1. The visa is still being processed and Tony and I are still without our passports. We have to wait up to 6 months and that will take us to end of August. I doubt I’ll have an update about this until then.
2. Health check came back and I’m A-OK. The doctor couldn’t even justify sending me to a physio because my ITB pain’s been much better. I’ve been doing stretches religiously, without fail after every yoga class (how ironic that I have to stretch after yoga) and it’s helped.
3. Although there are possible new (being trialed) treatments, my mum’s not going to take any more chemo and has called to say goodbye to her mum and brother. I guess she thinks she’ll be dying soon.
I failed to mention in all my anger from my last blog that I actually haven’t called my mother at all. All my updates come from my sister.
I mention this now because I’m actually going through an internal struggle – do I call her or do I not? Any person would say, it’s your mum, she’s dying, call her. Right?
Well, I’m conflicted. My mother and I do not have a good relationship at all. Any relationship or connection we’ve had has been of my effort and when I stop making the effort, the relationship stops.
9 years I’ve been in London and she’s called me twice. The rest of the time it’s been me that’s called. In the last 2 years, I gave her the opportunity to ring me by never ringing at all and she has called me once – to ask me to get a message to my brother to pick her up at the airport on the correct day because she told him the wrong day and couldn’t get in touch with him. That was it. Had I not started asking her how she was and spent the time telling her about what’s been happening with me and Tony, she would have just got off the phone.
Now she’s dying I’m quite peeved off that she would call her mother (who she has bitched about for all the time I’ve known her) to say goodbye yet, she hasn’t called her own daughter. She hasn’t called me.
I don’t even know what to say about this. No excuse in the world can explain this away.
Of course I could just call her but that’s the point – it’s always me.
It’s always been me who has made the effort. She’s made the effort to go and see the bloody Sydney light show that’s on right now but she can’t pick up the phone to call her daughter. I’d actually written a whole lot to explain the dynamics of our relationship but I’ve decided against posting it up right now.
The crux of the matter is that my mother is dying, she hasn’t called me to say goodbye when she’s done that with all her other family members and I’m now dealing with how I feel about that.
I’ve also got to make a decision which is… to call or not to call.