“Injury is a great teacher, most often arising from patterns and habits of movement developed over long periods of time. Injuries awaken us to these patterns–and to new ways of moving and being within our body.” Yoga International
I went to the Physio today. The first time ever I’ve been to a physio. I always thought they were reserved for athletes you know, long distance runners, swimmers, triathletes…. people who use their bodies and push beyond what we “normal” people do.
When doing yoga, I always saw being in that room like:
a) having a massage
b) sitting in a sauna
c) stretching muscles all over to build mobility and strength
all at the same time. Sounds pleasant doesn’t it? Not what athlete’s do…. which is push and Push and PUSH beyond their perceived limits…
2 years and 4 months in, both of us have had to see a Physio. Tones had to go for his shoulder/neck and me? MY PAIN IN THE BUTT!!!
I think the doctors thought I was crazy about complaining about my pain in my butt ’cause they were so reluctant to write me a letter to send me to the physio.
“Where is the pain?”
“INSIDE” that was the most descriptive I could get because no amount of pushing anything on my gluteus maximus was doing anything at all. “Do you feel pain there?” as they push various sections of my butt… “NO.”
They checked rotation, I got my hip x-rayed and everything was normal and yet I kept having so much pain that I couldn’t actually sit down for more than 30 mins without wriggling around and having to lift my left buttock off the seat (which Tony only confirmed to me last night, looks like I keep lifting my butt to fart. Do you know I’ve been doing this in public for the last 3 months?!!!)
He does this all the time, he’ll let me continue to have massive green chunks in my teeth or makeup running down my face as well because… he doesn’t notice. “Why didn’t you tell me I look like a panda?” will get the answer “because I thought that’s how you wanted to do your make up”….. I tell you, it’s a lesson in humility (or humiliation) for me, every day I’m out in public with him and trust him to be my mirror.
But I digress, back to my butt. It’s gotten worse and affected my practice a lot. There are now many postures I can’t do without being in a LOT of pain so I finally went to the Physio.
Guess what? After initial assessment and testing my muscles etc, she thought it was one thing (where my hamstring connects to my sit bone ’cause this is where I felt pain and mostly kept pointing to) and then only after actually massaging tissue did she realise it was something completely different.
Turns out my hamstring is overcompensating for my relatively immobile back which is why my leg hurts from my butt to my knee. However, that was symptomatic pain. The centre of pain and tenderness, the root cause of the pain is actually in the sacroiliac region. Which is… you got it… INSIDE!!! So deep inside, it’s difficult to explain when you don’t know your own anatomy!
My left side muscles are much weaker than my right side which is why I felt it so much on the left side and felt nothing on my right. Now I have to back off completely on any posture that causes my leg pain, until I improve the mobility in my back.
So looking back on my last post…. I evidently do not know the difference between strain and pain. I’ve always had a very high pain threshold and consider myself to be a bit of a pussy if I give up when I feel pain. You know, if I can cry or scream then it doesn’t really hurt.. ’cause when it really hurts there’s no more energy to make sounds because all focus goes towards numbing the pain? Yup, it has to be pretty damned severe before I’ll stop and look where this attitude gets me!
NOWHERE or Backwards!! Do I know where my limits are? Obviously not until I have to go to a Physio and they tell me that I’ve been pushing too hard and other parts of my body are compensating (to their detriment) to get me where I think I can be.
This is what you call pride, impatience and unrealistic expectations. And that sentence is what you call beating myself up for expecting and wanting more for myself NOW. Ahhh where is the balance? 2 years of yoga and I’m pushing to be a contortionist and getting angry at myself for not being able to do things I “should” be able to do. Well… as many times as I listen to Bob Proctor, it still hasn’t clicked that “There is no should!!!”
In a world of immediate gratification, acceptance of what is now and patience for the time that it actually takes for progress or manifestation of an idea to occur, is a very very valuable lesson.
For not learning that lesson earlier, I now have to look like a numpty in yoga class doing baby stretches instead of the normal things until I can get back to being normal. I now have to back off on every posture I feel any pain in ie, any time I feel any twinge of anything in my butt or leg and say “I can do more” I’m not allowed to unless I want to aggravate my condition further. Considering simply sitting already causes me pain, this will be quite interesting!
It could have been worse. Apparently if it were actually my hamstring injured it would have been pretty bad. So I shall count myself lucky, work on my back mobility, work on my left leg strength, keep getting treatments and forget about what I think I “should” be doing and just do what I can actually do without pain.
Patience they say, is a virtue. To all those people who perceive me as one of the most patient people they know… my pain in the butt has just proven otherwise and my journey back to “normal” will be testing my patience all the way.
Just the thought of this is already making me want to cry. I’ve just realised that pain doesn’t make me cry but having to take it easy and NOT push myself does!!
As for humility, it’s a new lesson for me too. Self deprecation I do quite well but this is not humility.
“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.” ― C.S. Lewis
Ergo I must learn to forgo the ego unless I want to be an a-hole! “There is no I in TEAM!”