How did it come to this? How did I get here? Who am I?!?!?!?!?!
Today I called to find out details about offers for resorts / hotels. It’s getting close to that time where Tony would like to be in the hot summer sun during everyone else’s winter and it is my job to do some searching for places to go.
I called because there were “offers” going for hotels in Mexico and Costa Rica and even Dominican Republic.
Me: “What are the offers exactly?”
Manuel, the resort agent: “Well, they’re offers in that we’re offering them to our clients, not offers in that there’s any kind of discount.”
Damn you misleading marketing people!
Manuel: “You know, these are hotels and unlike other resorts, they are all inclusive. By all inclusive I mean that all meals are paid for, for the duration of your entire stay.”
Me: “What do you mean all meals? Breakfast and dinner?”
Manuel: “EVERYTHING. They have over 10 different restaurants and 20 different bars. You can go to any of those bars and restaurants and eat and drink as much as you like. It’s like a buffet of all you can eat and drink.”
OK.. so you do have to pay for this but I’m like WTF????!????
Me: “So…… can I like, go outside and eat lunch elsewhere?”
Manuel: “You can but you already paid for everything in advance so really, you would just eat at the restaurants. You can have anything you want, as much food, as many drinks as you want. It’s all paid for in advance. For this hotel it will cost you USD70 per person per day and in this hotel, it will cost you USD114 per person per day.”
Me: O….. M……. G
I cringed at the thought!! All I could think of was getting fatter and fatter and fatter with every meal. What do you mean I can eat as much as I like?
I know, to people, this could be well, if you just feel like a piece of fruit then just eat that. OF COURSE I KNOW THIS but I’m not friggin’ paying $114 for a piece of fruit!!!!!!!!!!! If I’m paying 114 bucks I’m going to eat 114 bucks worth of food!! Paying a certain amount in advance will MAKE ME want to eat as much as possible to get my money’s worth (considering I don’t drink much alcohol).
And so the cringing happened. I can’t believe I cringed at all you can eat. I like all you can eat but the thought of eating and eating and eating…. and eating…. and possibly not eating and then paying for the privilege of not eating….
Growing up, I learned the art of All-you-can-eat. I was the all-you-can-eat queen. What I mean by that is that for a girl, I usually would eat the most. The most I’ve ever had is probably 6-7 plates of food including dessert. I only ever get beaten by my brother and dad who would go for 8-9 plates each.
But this result was not due to mere hunger or a big stomach… these were skills passed onto us by my dad.
1. Don’t eat any bread or rice or pizza crusts or noodles or chips because they’ll fill you up before you get a chance to eat anything else.
2. Eat as much of the expensive stuff as possible eg. seafood, prawns, lobster. (You want to get as much value for your money as possible).
3. Go hungry or don’t go at all.
4. Take a break in between the meal to make more room… ahem.. bathroom break.
5. Fill the plate up like a mountain (so you don’t waste your time getting up and down).
6. Taste everything and then fill your stomach up with the one you like the best.
7. If you’re still hungry then you can eat rice, bread, noodles, chips etc.
8. NEVER take more than you can eat. If you take it and it’s on your plate, you eat it.
My dad would sit there and calculate the approx cost for the food we ate and every time we ate more than the amount we paid, my dad would be a proud man. So we ate for town and country.
These skills served me well while “growing up”. A growing body needs a lot of fuel. I put the words growing up in inverted commas because I’m actually only 5 foot tall…. so yeah, I ate a lot but didn’t do much “growing” and whatever growing I did wasn’t “up”.
But back to point…. I used to LOVE all you can eat, it was part of father-children bonding. We made our dad proud.
But now… I just can’t do it anymore. I cringe at the thought!
Going on an all you can eat holiday sounds like torture.
I’m sorry dad, I don’t know what’s happened to me. I know, I’ve changed… I’m no longer who I used to be….
OK, I’ll admit it…
I am an all you can eat has been.