Who was I kidding? 2-3 weeks into the challenge and I’d barely made a scratch on the board where you’re supposed to cross off each day you do.
I tried to catch up by doing a double (my first double in a year). Lately, after one class, I’m so tired and achy the next day, I don’t want to go again and skip a day. What do you think I was like after a double? Well, I made sure I didn’t go back for 4 days and then I took another 4 days off after that too!!
At our studio, you’re allowed to START your 30 day challenge at any time during June (house rules for the current challenge but really, you can do your own 30 day challenge any time) which means 30th June was the last day you could start if you wanted to be part of the studio challenge.
I started on 10th June and having only done 9 classes in total over 20 days (including my first double in a year), I knew I’d failed. Basically to catch up, I’d have to do doubles and triples every day, in the first 10 days of July and there was no way I was going to do that!
Last week I spoke of guilt and as mentioned I’m unlearning it. Truth be told, after declaring out loud how guilty I felt all the time, I haven’t felt guilty about not going to yoga anymore. It was like saying it out loud made it sound ridiculous and it lost some of its charge. There’s one way to get rid of guilt 🙂 and I also did a few Demartini exercises to diffuse the guilt too 😉
Guilt aside, I’m not one to say I’m going to do something and then not do it.
A man once said to me, “If you are not your word, then what are you?”
I’ve lived my life being my word, to the best of my ability, ever since.
Just know that anything you say to answer that question, is just your word.
People are always so full of good intentions, it doesn’t always come out that way.
If you are not your word, then what are you?
Recently I’ve let it all lapse and let laziness and excuses take over. It happens. Sometimes, things happen in life that knock the wind out of your sails and steer you in a completely different direction and you’re so consumed in your emotions, you don’t even know it until you’re way off course. For some, they take drugs or drink a lot of alcohol to numb the pain. For me, it was time out, falling off my health wagon, not going to yoga, being moody and beating myself up for not being better than that. It’s all good, it’s part of being human. We live, we learn, we realise that incongruency isn’t comfortable, forgiving oneself is important and we get back on track.
Demartini says that in life, there are no screw ups, there are no mistakes. It is all part of the divine order.
So on the 30th June 2015 I decided to start again. Not just with the yoga but with my attitude in general.
I will go back to having a more regular yoga practice because I want to. I will restart, recommit and complete my 30 day challenge because I said I would and I will again, be my word.
As Bikram Choudhury put it:
“You’re never too old, never too bad, never too late and never too sick to start from the scratch once again.”