Trust

So I learned something extremely valuable about myself today and that is, I don’t trust people at all, especially if I don’t know them.  Apparently distrust is a big part of my personality.  I’m sure my upbringing has got a lot to do with it too and today I’ve proven to myself it’s true.

For example, it really annoys me when people say things like “I’ve been doing this for years and never had a problem” and expect that this is enough for me to trust them.

It’s a stranger and unfortunately for both of us, I do not trust strangers on their word alone.  I need to see proof that they are their word.  I do not look at strangers and immediately think that they are good hearted.  I’m always cautious, dubious, watchful, careful and I will never ever open up until I have judged for myself that they are trustworthy.

What ever happened to thinking of the good in mankind?  What ever happened to thinking that everyone has good intentions?  What ever happened to knowing that people aren’t actually out to hurt you?  What happened to knowing that people are as good as their word?

A lot has happened and I no longer see people in this way.  I expect the worst in people and then allow them to surprise me with their kindness.  Unfortunately for me, I always get what I expect.  There are some surprises but very few compared to those who meet my expectations.

The result is that I have just become more and more withdrawn and less and less trusting.  What a vicious cycle.

The words “Trust me” give me the heebie jeebies.  You’ll be guaranteed that I will NOT trust a person who has to tell me to trust them.

I do question whether or not I’m just paranoid but I also think it’s really stupid to put blind faith in what people say without doing some of my own research.

I wish all people were respectful, helpful and kind to each other at all times.  I’d love to just trust everyone, believe that the good in the world exists everywhere and in everyone, have faith that people will do the right thing by me, themselves and the planet.

I’ve learned today that the last paragraph is my dream and my truth is far from that.  There is a lot to un-learn and I have to learn to trust again.

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