Grumpy = Constipated

Warning:  this post is about poo.

Today I have been the grumpiest bum you will ever find except maybe for Grumpy Cat who looks like this all the time.

grumpy_cat

I guess you know you’ve had a shitty day when you look for a picture of “grumpy” online and find out a cat has celebrity status while nobody knows you even exist.  But then again, how can you look at this face and continue being grumpy?  She is this way so you don’t have to be!

So why was I like this today?

GrumpyTo be honest, it’s because I’ve had a stomach ache for 4 days now.  I’m having trouble going to the loo when I had clean bowel movements 2-3 times a day usually.   I know, too much info but this is very important info to understand the health of a living being.  Just ask dogs, other animals who smell poo and scientists who study stool samples for all sorts of stuff.

So I’ve go shit clogged up my ass.   Quite literally, I’m shitty.

Why?  I have been juicing for 4 days and my body has decided to go on strike.  It’s not happy and now, neither am I.  Last juice fast was the bomb!  We enjoyed it, we felt great.  This time.. I would never recommend it to anyone.  In fairness, they are different juices this time around and this juice fast is shorter than the other one.  Lasting only 5 days.  So after tomorrow, we’ll be back to normal.

It was supposed to recalibrate but I really can’t see recalibration as holding all your shit inside.   I don’t know why the juice fast hasn’t worked like it did last time nor why my body refuses to have a normal bowel movement.

I don’t know if I’ll be better by tomorrow but if not, come Saturday, I am eating all things fibre and saying goodbye to all the shit in my body and my life and at this rate, chances are I am saying sayonara to most of the sugar too.

MrGrumpyI say, bring on the psyllium husk, chia seeds, flaxseeds and bentonite clay.  I’m over this shit.  Give me my superfood smoothie!

PS – you may be wondering why I am sharing such delightful info.  It’s actually supposed to be insightful.  For those of you who can’t see through the shit, here it is clearly – If you’re grumpy, have some fibre. Clear your shit out and I know you’ll see better days.  You’re welcome.

Now excuse me, I have to go to the toilet.

 

 

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