I just don’t know what to do

I’ve been spending so much time these days reading about so many troubling things in the world and today I felt completely overwhelmed with it all.

So many problems, some so big and complex, without any kind of solution or worse, people who do come up with solutions being silenced.  So much blame, victim mentality or complete ignorance on one side with so much greed, need for control and apathy on the other and the ones in the middle trying to hold it all together by maintaining the status quo which just extends the problems for centuries.  It’s a mess!

I vowed not to be so damned ignorant anymore but when I started reading about things, I wished I was blissfully ignorant once again.

It’s like that guy in The Matrix who tried to make a deal with Agent Smith so he could go back into the Matrix and have his memory wiped clean so he could enjoy steak and just live a “normal” mundane life because the truth wasn’t as crash hot as it was made out to be.

It’s true.  The more you know, the more it hurts.  It hurts to know things because once you know, then you become responsible to do something about it, even something small.  It’s really difficult for me to come across a problem and NOT want to fix it or try to come up with something to fix it.  Except these are huge problems and ones I currently don’t have the resources, knowledge or understanding to handle and thinking of all of it and feeling like I can’t do anything, is really getting me down.

Today I wanted to scream, cry, something, anything but whatever it was, wasn’t going to fix any problems.  So yes, I’ve let life get way too serious.  I can’t help it.  Tones has been working ’til all hours every day leaving me to my own devices and my mind…. well, it’s worse than getting lost in Wonderland and I don’t need drugs to get there.

So…. I’m turning the computer off, taking some time out and will just have to figure out what to do with myself.



Coming back from my walk, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no point trying to solve the problems of the world when you haven’t yet solved your own problems.

Listening to Dr. Demartini, he told a story where he said to a person who was interviewing for a job, something like, “Why would I get you to manage my business when you can’t even manage your own life?”

It’s true.  I need to mind my own business and manage my own life before I can start casting any kind of advice or opinion on how to fix the problems of the world.

Enough said.  Time for more karaoke, dealing with stuff I haven’t dealt with and a lot of long, thinking walks – they help a LOT!


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