Learning to be wiser with how I help

I don’t know if you suffer from this problem but I know I do.  I’m constantly giving advice or solutions or trying to solve problems that aren’t mine to solve, including for those who a) don’t want my help and b) should really be sorting it out for themselves.

I’ve been told off for it, unfriended (not just in the FB sense) and shunned because of it  so I’ve taken it on board and I’ve tried really hard to stop myself.  Do you know how hard it is?  It’s a lot of effort, I really can’t help myself.  If I can see a problem, I have the hardest time keeping my mouth shut and not offering solutions or saying something about it.

That’s why I blog you know?  Well, one of the reasons.  Then I can just offer solutions and ideas, I don’t need to keep my mouth shut and you can choose whether or not to take the advice in your own time, or not.

As long as the info is out there, it can help someone!

Have you noticed that it’s the people you care about the most and want to help who will always ignore you and brush your suggestions aside?  This isn’t just my story.. it’s many people’s.  Isn’t it just so damned frustrating?!

Even worse still is when they turn around months (or years) later and tell you all about that stuff you were telling them about before, like it was a brand new concept or idea that they just found and then tell you that YOU should do it!  *face-palm*  Story of my life.

So I learned the other day that wisdom is knowing who to help and when to help,  that sharing by a wise person will always be discerning rather than freely and abundantly, that if you share too much with someone who’s not ready, instead of aiding them, you actually hinder them.  It could cause people to put up barriers or feel intimidated or not find the resources within themselves to solve their problem, or all of the above.

I know I get cranky at people who tell me what to do (even if it’s good for me) when I’m not ready to do it yet.  When I feel pressured to do something when I’m not ready, I will actually do the complete opposite just ’cause.  Many a well meaning person has initiated the complete opposite of their intention by doing this.  Many a well meaning person were not wise with their help.

Then there are some people who are actually bottomless pits.  You share with them all your knowledge and because they’re not ready, it just falls through having no impact and becomes a drain on your own energy and time when you could be using that energy and time to help someone else who will actually take that knowledge to improve their lives.  You end up sorting their problems out instead of them!

SO, the quest begins.  To be wiser with my help and only offering it to those who a) want it and b) are already ready and looking to help themselves.

If you ever catch me offering you advice when you haven’t asked for it then by all means, you are free to pull me up on it!


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