Back in circa 2000, I met this guy at a personal development seminar. It was my very first personal development seminar.
They asked us to introduce ourselves to our “buddies” ie the person sitting next to us who we were to spend the rest of our 5 days with.
The purpose of a buddy? He/she was your accountability partner and the one we would do all our exercises with.
I turned and next to me was this rather quirky character, almost 20 years my senior.
I won’t say much about him right now other than to say, he was an eccentric artist and I couldn’t believe I ended up with THIS guy out of all the 500 or so in the room and my first reaction was, “why did I end up sitting next to HIM?!”
We were the most unlikely of buddies, I never in a lifetime would have ever befriended him under any normal circumstances but I’m so grateful that he was my buddy because I learned many life lessons from him.
We remained buddies and good friends for years, right up to me being in London (2007). Then we lost touch.
In the time we stayed connected, he taught me many things, one of which was something he called “Completions”, I believe this to be Landmark terminology.
Every day he’d make a goal to have 5 completions and every day, he’d tell me what completions he did.
Every day I had no idea what he was talking about nor why it was important to him but all I knew was that my job was to make sure he ticked his goals off the list and if he accomplished HIS goal then I’d been a good buddy.
Well, I finally get it, almost 20 years later! But again, he was 20 years my senior and now that I’m about the age he was then, I do actually get it.
So, completions – to complete something is to resolve a problem, to close off a loop, to tie up loose ends, to finish something that was started. AND IT FEELS SO GOOD. No wonder he aimed for 5 a day.
You see, for every loop we leave open, for every problem unresolved, it leaves the mind constantly working to close it, to find an ending, to find some sort of resolution – this is mind chatter. Noise.
Emotions linger and go around and around our bodies. We think and over think then rethink and then think again and a lot of it is completely unnecessary. Actually, none of it would be there, if we just closed the loop.
So that’s what I’ve been doing. Closing loops. I can’t even explain to you how easy life is when you do that. Give it a go and you’ll know what I mean. It brings so much clarity and sanity!
If a decision needs to be made, decide. If a question is asked, answer. If a problem is created, find a solution and resolve it.
If something keeps dragging on, identify the person, system, company, thing that’s causing the drag and disrupting the flow to the end goal and attempt resolution there.
If it’s not possible or within your timeframe, replace that bit with a person, system, company, thing that will allow for quick and easy resolution and work with them instead.
If that doesn’t work, leave it, throw it, come back to it later, or don’t. Some things need persistence however, there are some things that cannot be fixed and are not for you to fix. These problems call for acceptance. Acceptance also closes a loop.
Life is too short to be spending it, sitting in unresolved problems.
Dr Demartini says that the longest any person should ever need to go through grief is 3 hours.
I’m thinking, if grief only needs 3 hours, then surely many other problems can be resolved just as quickly, if not faster!
Although morbid, I often have this thought: “If I died today, what would I be leaving Tony with having to deal with? What things have I left undone? What things have I left in a disorganised state? When I’m gone, what will his life be like as a direct impact of my actions or inactions?”
So every day I’m closing loops. Each day that passes, the less and less mess and problems I leave him (and myself) with.
With every new problem that arises, the faster I deal with it. The more I eliminate things I don’t want from my life, the less they turn up. Eventually they just never turn up at all, leaving space for all the things I do want.
Someone asked me and Tony once. “So when you’re in the yoga room, what do you think of?” Both of us actually looked at each other, then looked back at her blankly. We both answered, “Nothing.”
Do you know how good that feels? To realise that you have moments in time where you can just sit there and think of absolutely nothing!
No worries, no troubles, no anxieties, no fears, no guilt, no lists, no problems to resolve, no things to do, no dramas, no plans, no mindless empty chatter….. just…. nothing.
That’s what happens when you do completions.
You become calm, clear, content, present…complete.