Allow me to Introduce to you…. My Little Headaches

We did it.  We bit the bullet and got bunny companions.

Did you know that’s what you call them now?  Companions.  It’s not about ownership and being owned these days.  It’s called companionship where one companion acts as a guardian for the other.

Gone are the days of pets and owners.  Just sentient beings playing roles of companions and guardians living in the same household.  That’s how it’s been described in today’s New Age world.  How about that?

As their new guardians, we named our bunny companions Paris & Rome, after our favourite cities we’ve visited together.

Here’s a sneak peak…


Should have just called them Alopecia and Hypertension if you ask me because that’s what they’ve been causing me.

I can think of other names like Sleep Deprivation and Distress, Moody and Stroppy, Trouble and Drama, Aches and Pains, Kill me now and F’k my life… OMG I’m finding this way too easy!

I think this is what mums go through when they have their first child.  Except I went from being childless, to being responsible for 2 teenage boys (who do not communicate with anything other than piss, poo and biting) overnight, so I’ve had no time to build up to or get used to this!

So please excuse me while I adjust to manic life.

These boys keep testing me, testing their dominance, testing the boundaries.  They jump and hurt themselves.  They jump and fall on each other.  They BONK each other every few minutes unless we give them something new to explore.  They learn quickly and get bored soon after.

They have bitten each other and scratched each other as they wrestle with working out how to bonk.  They attempt so many angles and then take turns that they leave each other looking completely dishevelled.

We built their new hutch last night and put them in there.  This morning I woke up to the biggest kerfuffle and every time I walked in and said “What are you doing?!” in my half asleep state, they both just sat there and did nothing but stare back at me.

When I went back to bed they started whatever it was all over again.  I stubbed my toe running out of bed to catch them doing whatever they were doing to make so much noise and yet again, they both just stopped and stared at me.

Only later when I got up and wasn’t groggy did I realise that all the noise was them chasing and pulling out each others’ fur!

They have bitten Tony and/or myself, at least once each, per day.  They’ve peed all over our couch multiple times and pooed everywhere and they’re completely disinterested in developing relationships with us.

They even thumped at me before running away, to tell me just how much I was annoying them by wanting to pat them.  It’s effectively the same as saying “get lost” and slamming the door.  Oh my broken heart…. it’s like a little test in repeated rejection.

They’re just in their own little world.

We’ve only had them for a few days (quite literally 3 days as I write this) and they weren’t handled much or litter trained either which means we’ve got a lot of work ahead of us to gain their trust and respect.

They’re wild-like ie. they’re terrified of humans holding them where they’ll freeze and their tiny little hearts and breathing will go to a million miles per hour.

They always run away if you try to pet them and they don’t eat anything you offer them with your hands and they toilet everywhere.  I mean EVERYWHERE.

I’m attempting the toilet training now only to realise in my despair research (that’s research you do when you want to scream “WHY ISN’T IT WORKING?!  SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!”) that teenage boy bunnies, unless neutered will spray urine and drop poo for territory boundaries EVERYWHERE even if they’re litter trained.

So I won’t ever actually get a 100% success rate with litter training unless they are both neutered.

They pee to mark territory, they pee as part of their courtship ritual, they pee (on you..) if they like you (lucky I got Paris stroppy at me, less chance of me getting pissed on), they pee to take ownership of what was once yours eg the couch, a blanket, the pillows, any excuse to paint the walls with piss really and it’s doing my head in because I’m the one doing all the cleaning.

Their pee and poo odours are omnipotent – everywhere at all times, permeating every cell and seeping through the walls, especially if there’s another male rabbit around… of course.

NOW why didn’t I get girls?  Because when I was younger I had rabbits as pets and the boys were always so sweet,  nice, loving and affectionate towards me and they NEVER pissed or pooed anywhere other than in their litter tray.

They also learned to toilet train quickly AND they trained their own kits to go in the litter too.

The girls in my experience however were always aggressive.  They growled, attacked other bunnies and pissed and pooed wherever they liked.  They liked to ignore my training and do their own thing.

The girls also chased other rabbits and pulled hair off them and they bit other bunnies HARD causing injury.

The boys when allowed into the house, never peed or pooed anywhere but the girls didn’t just dirty everywhere, they ate cables too.

I had to get a repair man come to fix my washing machine hose and cable all because I left the girl bunny in the laundry so she wouldn’t bite my hand off when I tried to clean her hutch, not to mention the mess I had to clean in the laundry after I put her back in the hutch!!

Compare that to allowing my boy bunny full reign of my bedroom for 5.5 hours by himself without him even so much as toppling a pile of paper I had under the bed which was easily accessible to him at all times.   No poo, no pee, no mess.  He’d just hang out in my room until I got back.

So I told Tony that if we were ever to get bunnies, I wanted boys – they’ve always been much nicer and easier to deal with.  I didn’t realise that every time I had a boy bunny, he was by himself or with one (or many) girl bunny(ies).

I’d never actually had 2 boys (and only boys) at the same time until now.  So I had no idea their behaviour would be like this when there were 2 of them.  They are quite literally now having a pissing contest, every day.

When we went to get them there were only boys to choose from so either the breeders kept the does, the pet store only took in bucks, or all the does got sold first.

Whatever the case, only bucks were available.  I was told that these little ones were girls and was going to tell Tones we should just wait for bucks to come in.  Then she corrected herself and said, “Oh sorry, I was mistaken, they are bucks.”  I was so happy!

OMG am I regretting it now.

Just call them headaches and just like all children, they’re only sweet and nice when they’re puffed up like a little fluffy ball and resting.

And they stink…. OMG they smell.  I heard teenage boys smell… well, rabbits are the same.  Not the actual rabbits because they’re cleaning themselves all the time but their territorial poo really really stinks.

The stench gives me a headache.  What’s worse is I actually cleaned their entire area only 24 hours ago to the point where the stink was completely gone and now within 24 hours, the stink is just as bad as it was before I cleaned and I can’t stop them.  This is what teenage bunny boys do.

I called the vet to book in a check up and vaccination.  I booked it early and in a few days time so they get to see the vet before I throttle them but it looks like they’re beating up each other on their own quite fine.

I was hoping they could actually vaccinate AND neuter at the same time to save me from my stress but alas it is not to be.  Unfortunately I will have to wait and tolerate the pissing contest for a little longer 😦

I don’t think Tony wants to get involved.  Yesterday I asked him to check if Paris’ balls had dropped and he didn’t want to.  “You do it” he said to me.  “I don’t want to look at their balls!”

So… yes, I am now mother to 3 boys.

We had to check because if the testicles have descended, the rabbit is old enough to be neutered and I wanted them to be neutered at the same time so they could recover at the same time.  This is what they suggested at the pet store.  The boys are 3.5 months old.

The vet however, might want me to wait until the bunnies are actually 6 months old so they’re fully matured before neutering.  Do you know what this means?  It means if they can’t get neutered now, I have to spend another quarter of a year with a house full of stench, cleaning up piss!!!!!

Why did I have to get them at this age??!!!!!  Couldn’t I at least have them as babies for a while first?  You know, when they’re cute, trainable and obedient instead of arsy and defiant?!!! Hey… there’s 2 more names for them Arsy and Defiant.  ARGH!!!!!

You know that if you don’t do what they do, they actually nudge you hard with their noses?  AND if you still ignore them, they bite!

When we got them, Paris had no balls visible and Rome did.  Within a couple of days, both of them have descended testicles.  How about that?  No wonder this pissing contest is going so strong in frequency and in odour!!

Having said all this, their development is so quick that you never know, I could be with bunnies with different and more mature personalities by next week.

Maybe I just need to give them time to settle in.  I screamed at Paris the other day and he got all stroppy with me.  We gave each other the silent treatment for a day.

It’s OK because Tony is consoling me, and Rome consoles Paris.  He licks him on the chin and grooms his ears to cheer him up.

I told Paris off because he peed and pooed on the couch one too many times.  He did it after I’d already done 4 loads of laundry (2 of which was because of how much peeing they did) and spent the day cleaning after them so I’d had enough.

So now that I’ve spoken so highly of them, do you want to see their faces?


Yes, these are my little pissers.  Whose piss odours have filled every cavity in the space we call home to give me a chronic headache.

Paris and Rome

Paris is the Black one, colour “Black Otter”.  Rome is the brown one, colour “Siamese Sable”.

They are our new naughty little Pedigree Pure Breed (soon to be neutered or I’ll go crazy) Netherland Dwarf Bucks.

My little headaches… and our chosen companions for up to the next 12 years.

Oh what adventures we will have wee ones.  I can’t wait for the day you two stop pissing and pooing anywhere except your litters!

And I hope soon you will finally let us give you hugs and cuddles ❤

I am on holidays

I turned off Facebook over a week ago.  I switched off eBay a few days ago.

I am now officially on holidays until after Christmas.

What am I doing with all my time?  NOTHING!!!!

Yes, lying around doing absolutely nothing and loving it.


It also means that I’m not really blogging either…

Usually even though we’ve travelled to  a few countries this year, I’m still working online.  This is the first time in over a year where I’ve switched it all off.

So off I go to enjoy the wonders of nothingness.

See you when I get back!

My first 24 hours without Facebook

It’s not over yet, I’ve still got 9 hours to go but I am on my first ever 24 hours without Facebook.

Ever since I opened my account on Facebook back in 2007,  I think I’ve been on it every single day.

It’s like a drug addiction and I was in denial.

These days, because I work on the computer a lot, from home and in my own hours,  I just pop in and out of Facebook, whenever, which pretty much means ALL THE TIME.

If there is one place you’d be able to catch me at some point in the day, it would be Facebook.


Because you know what I did?


Yup.  I deactivated it.

I don’t know why but in the last week I’ve noticed and disliked my attachment to Facebook.  I’ve been using it as an escape the way one would use TV and I’ve been wasting hours of every day on it.

I tell people I don’t watch TV but I might as well be, with the number of animal videos, food videos and new invention videos I’ve watched through my feed.

The last straw was when I was supposed to go out to dinner the other day and instead of getting ready to leave the house, I found myself stuck to my seat and the computer because I’d prefer to mindlessly watch videos than get ready to go out and talk to people.

Then, after we got home, the first thing I did was log into Facebook to just watch things mindlessly yet again until 1am when I could have just gone to bed.

But WHY do I log into Facebook in the first place?  For a multitude of reasons.  I log on:

  •  every time I don’t feel like working.
  • every time I feel inadequate and am looking for affirmation or validation.
  • each time I want proof that I don’t lead a meaningless existence.
  • every time I want to send someone a message – my attempt at reaching out and maintaining friendships.
  • to share random thoughts I would say out loud if someone was physically around to hear them.
  • because I’m waiting for a reply to something I’ve written to someone and I want to check if they’ve come back to me yet.
  • for something to do because I don’t feel like doing much else, aka procrastination.
  • to keep updated on the latest news (which is mostly rubbish)
  • any time I feel anxious about doing the next task because it might be too hard.

But you know what?  That list already means I log onto Facebook at least 9 times a day.  Yes, I login and then logout and then login and then logout.  I thought having to physically keep logging in and out would stop me but it hasn’t.

Deactivation has stopped me though.  I think the action to reactivate is exactly the same.  All I have to do is log back in but mentally, a “deactivated account” actually is deterring me from going back.

I feel a sense of relief.

So what is life like without Facebook?  I can’t remember because I have to think back to the days before 2007.

I’ll tell you what though, I’ve done a LOT.  I think so far, up to the time of writing this, I’ve only had 15 hours off from FB and that included 7 hours of sleep.

Last week’s blog was on completions and well, I completed over 30 tasks yesterday.  I had 30 things on my list to do today and I’m down to 16 (including going to the bank and dropping off a parcel).

I’m enjoying my freedom and new found time so far.  I wonder how long this will last 😉


Back in circa 2000, I met this guy at a personal development seminar.  It was my very first personal development seminar.

They asked us to introduce ourselves to our “buddies” ie the person sitting next to us who we were to spend the rest of our 5 days with.

The purpose of a buddy?  He/she was your accountability partner and the one we would do all our exercises with.

I turned and next to me was this rather quirky character, almost 20 years my senior.

I won’t say much about him right now other than to say, he was an eccentric artist and I couldn’t believe I ended up with THIS guy out of all the 500 or so in the room and my first reaction was, “why did I end up sitting next to HIM?!”

We were the most unlikely of buddies, I never in a lifetime would have ever befriended him under any normal circumstances but I’m so grateful that he was my buddy because I learned many life lessons from him.

We remained buddies and good friends for years, right up to me being in London (2007).  Then we lost touch.

In the time we stayed connected, he taught me many things, one of which was something he called “Completions”, I believe this to be Landmark terminology.

Every day he’d make a goal to have 5 completions and every day, he’d tell me what completions he did.

Every day I had no idea what he was talking about nor why it was important to him but all I knew was that my job was to make sure he ticked his goals off the list and if he accomplished HIS goal then I’d been a good buddy.

Well, I finally get it, almost 20 years later!  But again, he was 20 years my senior and now that I’m about the  age he was then, I  do actually get it.

So, completions – to complete something is to resolve a problem, to close off a loop, to tie up loose ends, to finish something that was started.  AND IT FEELS SO GOOD.  No wonder he aimed for 5 a day.

You see, for every loop we leave open, for every problem unresolved, it leaves the mind constantly working to close it, to find an ending, to find some sort of resolution – this is mind chatter.  Noise.

Emotions linger and go around and around our bodies.  We think and over think then rethink and then think again and a lot of it is completely unnecessary.  Actually, none of it would be there, if we just closed the loop.

So that’s what I’ve been doing.  Closing loops.  I can’t even explain to you how easy life is when you do that.  Give it a go and you’ll know what I mean.  It brings so much clarity and sanity!

If a decision needs to be made, decide.  If a question is asked, answer.  If a problem is created, find a solution and resolve it.

If something keeps dragging on, identify the person, system, company, thing that’s causing the drag and disrupting the flow to the end goal and attempt resolution there.

If it’s not possible or within your timeframe, replace that bit with a person, system, company, thing that will allow for quick and easy resolution and work with them instead.

If that doesn’t work, leave it, throw it, come back to it later, or don’t.  Some things need persistence however, there are some things that cannot be fixed and are not for you to fix. These problems call for acceptance.  Acceptance also closes a loop.

Life is too short to be spending it, sitting in unresolved problems.

Dr Demartini says that the longest any person should ever need to go through grief is 3 hours.

I’m thinking, if grief only needs 3 hours, then surely many other problems can be resolved just as quickly, if not faster!

Although morbid, I often have this thought:  “If I died today, what would I be leaving Tony with having to deal with?  What things have I left undone?  What things have I left in a disorganised state?  When I’m gone, what will his life be like as a direct impact of my actions or inactions?”

So every day I’m closing loops.  Each day that passes, the less and less mess and problems I leave him (and myself) with.

With every new problem that arises, the faster I deal with it.  The more I eliminate things I don’t want from my life, the less they turn up.  Eventually they just never turn up at all, leaving space for all the things I do want.

Someone asked me and Tony once.  “So when you’re in the yoga room, what do you think of?”  Both of us actually looked at each other, then looked back at her blankly.  We both answered, “Nothing.”

Do you know how good that feels?  To realise that you have moments in time where you can just sit there and think of absolutely nothing!

No worries, no troubles, no anxieties, no fears, no guilt, no lists, no problems to resolve, no things to do, no dramas, no plans, no mindless empty chatter….. just…. nothing.

That’s what happens when you do completions.

You become calm, clear, content, present…complete.

Routine – My wheel of life.

Go and ask anybody who knew me back in my 20’s and you’ll hear all sorts of stupid, crazy, drama-filled stories of my roller coaster of a life.

I was at a friend’s house a while back telling stories of “This one time when I… ”

I can tell you that the situation was very serious at the time but on telling the story, it had everyone in stitches because of how ridiculously surreal it was.

It’s like when you watch a Jerry Springer show and say things like “Do people like this actually exist?” and “How do they even get into those type of situations?”

Umm… yeah… they do exist, I know from personal experience.  I don’t joke about being a nutcase from a family of crazies for no reason.

The journey of change, personal growth and letting go has been long, arduous and still in process but just as we change our bodies through shedding old cells and making new ones, so too we change our beings by shedding old ways and making new ones.

Enter the love of routine.

We all do routines (brushing teeth, how we get ready in the morning).  We do it without thinking.  You could get up groggy and you’d still end up doing it all, it’s all on auto-pilot.  Domo arigato Mr Roboto!

But what happens when you add other things to those routines?  Like finance, meals and exercise?  ie What would life be like if you just got up and on auto-pilot you completed certain activities depending on the day?

Dr Demartini has simplified life into 7 areas and calls them the “Seven Powers” when you learn to empower each area.  Tony Robbins has also simplified life into 7 areas.  He calls them the 7 Freedoms.

Considering there are 7 days of the week…

I figured, let’s just put that all together and focus on empowering 1 area of life or freedom on each day of the week!

I’ve now got my automatic list to only remind me to do things relevant to the area of life allocated to that day.


So what are the 7 areas, powers or freedoms of life?  Mental (Time), Physical, Spiritual, Vocational, Social, Familial (Relationships) and Financial.

Tony Robbins has Time freedom but since Time is a human mental construct, I actually put time and mental together.  He also has relationship freedom so I put relationships and familial together.  Easy peasy!

On rotation, just like a wheel, I am now working to empower each area of life, once a week, 52 weeks of the year.  How’s that for routine?  And that is my wheel of life.

Yes I work every single day and I must admit, I don’t always get it done and sometimes I do prioritise other things BUT for the most part, concentrating on one area of life per day, actually does lead to living a balanced life!

There is still a lot of tweaking to do and I never thought I’d see the day where I’d be claiming that routine is awesome but it speaks for itself.

The empowerment is incremental, you don’t see much at all as each week goes by but over a year, 2 years, 3 years or more, it is so evident how far I’ve come since I started doing this and as I look on each and every area of life, I can see improvements in them all!!

After all, you get what you focus on.

Life is wonderful.  I love my life and I’m grateful for each and every day 🙂

Turning 40 on Thanksgiving – Om Namah Shivaya

Today is the day I celebrate 40 years of life and it also happens to be Thanksgiving.

If you’ve seen my Facebook post a few days ago, you’ll know how upset I’ve been about how things don’t turn out the way you want because of unexpected circumstances.

My  blow up comes from my inability to control things and my compulsion to do so.  I know I have this problem.  Chill man, Savasana!

Firstly, I don’t know what made the following years special or important to me but in my view of the world, I consider the following birthdays to be of significant importance with a need to celebrate them:

  1.  OMG I’m so cool, I’m a teenager – 13
  2. Unstoppable at Sweet – 16
  3. I’m legally an adult – 18
  4. I’m at my prime and will be forever this way – 21
  5. Quarter of a Century, OMG I’m so old –  25
  6. I’m actually an adult and I can’t deny it (but in my head I’m still 25) – 30
  7. I’m only going to count in 10’s, there’s no denying I’m an adult now (but in my head I’m still only 26) – 40
  8. OK I’m really old now, maybe I should really accept I’m an adult (but really I’m only 27) half a century – 50
  9. I can’t wait ’til retirement and my world cruises – 60
  10. Wow I made it, I’m probably gonna die soon – 80
  11. I’m going to start counting ’cause I never thought I’d make it this far – 90, 90 and a half, 90 and 3 quarters etc…
  12. Forget the rest, I bloody well made it but am annoyed I don’t get a letter from Queen Elizabeth II (Unless she’s still alive at over 150 years old, which then means I have new ageing goals) – 100
  13. I can’t believe my body and brain are still functioning – counting every day over 100 as a miracle

So with that in mind, 40 is the 7th birthday in my life’s important birthday list that I thought was a milestone worth celebrating.

There was a lot of pressure and expectation I put on this day and so when expectations aren’t met, there’s a lot of disappointment.  Hence my strop fest the other day.

Let me explain.  When I was a kid, I told myself that I’d have a baby by 25.  When I hit 24 I thought, OMG there’s no way I’d want a baby by next year, I’m too young –  30 is a good age!

I told myself that by 30 I would have a house, be married, have a kid and have travelled the world.  When I hit 30, I had travelled around Europe and was partying in London, single, no kid and no property.

I didn’t care, I was rocking it and I loved my life.  I figured, I had plenty of time to get the rest done and I’d certainly get it all sorted by 40.

I told myself that by 40 I would have travelled even more around the world, be married, have one or more properties and have one or more kids.

And then things changed.  When I was 32 my mum was diagnosed with cancer.  She was hit with a prognosis of death at such a young age (57), after I watched her live such an unhappy life.

She then struggled to fight it on and off for 6 years and died at the age of 63.

What was the point?  What was the point of going through life doing, having and being what everyone else wants or expects you to do, be and have, if the end result is just unhappiness, sickness and death?

I didn’t care anymore.  For a long time I just got depressed and disillusioned.  Life became just life.  “What does it all mean!?!?!”

I’d spent so much of my childhood feeling oppressed and repressed and stuck in only achieving things that everybody else said was good for me and doing what everyone else  said I was supposed to do.

My childhood was spent with people controlling me, what I do and what I think.  I spent my adulthood controlling myself based on what my upbringing, culture and society expected me to do and think.

I’ve seen how that life ends.  Why would I spend the rest of my life doing the same?

So I decided to stop telling myself what I SHOULD have, be and do, and by what age, especially if I was living life fulfilling other people’s values, rather than my own.

I chose to let go of other people’s expectations of me.  If I could, I wanted to get rid of ALL the SHOULDs in my life.

I was going to just let me be me.  Except  I was so good at being what everybody wanted me to be, I didn’t know who I was.

Slowly starting at 32, I let go of the SHOULDs and I felt free for the first time.

I simply lived my life as it was, as it unfolded.  There was no longer anything I should or shouldn’t do.  There is no longer anything I should or shouldn’t have done.

I was finally allowed to be selfish, fulfil my wants, say no, set my own boundaries, be responsible for only me, get to know Me.

Who was I?  What did I want?  I left the rest to whatever will be, will be.

It was tough, with a lot of conditioning and continued external pressures that I couldn’t let go of.

There was also a lot of guilt for not living my life the way parents, society, friends and family said I was “supposed” to and I felt the fight and struggle all the way.

In that journey, I found yoga, dabbled in vegan/vegetarianism, focussed a lot on health, consciousness, different perspectives, balance, letting go (of habits, beliefs, people etc.)

I now want to grow my own veg to preserve and pickle, make my own all-natural, chemical-free products,  creating a cleaner, freer me in body, mind and spirit.

It seems I’ve  become Amish without the bonnet or horse and buggy.

When I hit 39, it came faster than I expected.  I realised my celebratory birthday was coming so decided, a trip to Costa Rica to live in an eco-village with some modern day hippies would be the most apt way to commemorate 40 years of life.

It was to live the culmination of what I’ve been building up to, especially in the last 8 years.  Except, it didn’t happen.

Tony’s mum passed away unexpectedly this year. She was only 67.

3 emergency unplanned return trips from London to Australia (2 for him and 1 obligatory SHOULD flight for me ie it is EXPECTED that you turn up) meant we were £4,000 out of pocket, spending our 5th year of marriage with the most time apart ever and I definitely had to give up my Costa Rica trip.

Resentment much?  Minor disappointment maybe?

I spent the last 8 years of my life getting rid of the SHOULDs only to have a SHOULD ensure I didn’t get to celebrate my 40th the way I wanted.

WHAT WAS THE POINT??  Why does this happen? What does it all mean?!?!?

That was my bubble busted and to add insult to injury, after agreeing that we needed to save money, Tony decided to buy a tablet for another £1,000 3 days ago.

So yeah, that was the last straw and I spat the dummy.

Enter Thanksgiving.

I think my birthday is on Thanksgiving this year to remind me that even though I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, I actually have a LOT to be grateful for.

I have a blessed life and I’m very grateful for it.

This year, we were able to go to New York, Rome, Sydney and Las Vegas together. Tony got to go to Sydney twice and New York about 3 or 4 times and Bulgaria once and we still have a month to go before the end of the year, for one final small trip.

In the end, the unexpected came but we were still able to manage the huge expense.

I was also able to invest in various treatments to help Tony with his grief and I tell you what, I’ve never seen anyone come out of it so well.  For that, I am very grateful.

So well, in fact, a friend of ours who bumped into him had to ask me if he was coping ’cause he didn’t look as if anything had happened at all!

I had to reassure her that he actually did go through grief, he just had all the tools to  process it really quickly.

My life is so good now that all I need to be worried about right now is whether or not my new homemade shampoo has reduced my hair loss and by how much and whether or not I can get into a handstand by myself, before Christmas.


I mean, when your worst problem in the world is the fact that you don’t get to go to Costa Rica after being  to Europe, America (twice) and Australia in the same year, you’ve got to have  a pretty good life.

More things to give thanks for?  Our health.  We are both so healthy.  We hardly get sick anymore and are on zero pills or medication.

We both had eye tests a couple of weeks ago only to find out that my eyesight improved from 3 years ago and Tony’s, who’s eyesight deteriorated quite a lot every year prior, hasn’t changed at all!!

We have a warm cosy home, we live in a beautiful neighbourhood, are part of a friendly yogi community, have enough money to travel every year and I’ve been at home / working from home 100% for the last 2 years.

So yes, I have a lot to be grateful for.

I might not have gotten to Costa Rica on the day of my 40th but from where I started and everything I’ve been through in my life, it’s turned out pretty amazing!

And yes, we’ve done a lot this year and even though I didn’t sound like it 3 days ago, I do love and appreciate my life and my husband 😊

Om Namah Shivaya.

Handstand – It’s the little things!

Yesterday I did my first ever handstand without a wall!

Can you believe it?  I’m so excited about it I was beaming from ear to ear after class.

So first of all, I have to clarify, I did my first ever handstand about 2 years ago.  It was against a wall where I faced the wall and I got there by doing almost a cartwheel with the wall preventing me from flipping backwards.

That is, I used momentum to get myself up, the wall as a break and held myself up by sheer will, using my heels to grip the wall so I wouldn’t fall side ways.

I have done handstands since but very rarely because I’ve been such a scaredy-cat about them.  I always think I might bust a hole in the wall from kicking too hard so every time I did a handstand against a wall, I’d climb my feet up slowly.

So, I faced away from the wall, touched my toes, put my hands on the ground, then walked my feet up the wall.  This too was a rare event because I’d only be confident doing this with someone around, in case I fell.

Also, I’d keep my toes on the wall and never take them off so I was never actually upright, always on an angle.

Yesterday however,  we were asked to do handstands with a partner.  The partner’s role was simply to touch your legs when you kicked up so you could gauge how far you had to kick to be upright.  Once you were up, your partner just had to keep your legs in place (not by holding you but by keeping their hands near your legs,  just to give you confidence that they will catch you or stop you from falling over).

I have no idea what happened.  I kicked up once, twice and then on the third time, my leg tapped my partner’s hand and the next thing I know, both legs were up and I felt like I was flying.

“You did it!” she said.

“I did it??” I screamed back.

Partner:  “Yes, this is all you!  You’re doing it!”

Me while upside down in a handstand, getting really excited:  “I AM???!!!”

Partner:  “Yes!  You’re doing great!  Are you getting tired?  Do you want to come down?”

Me:  “Um… no, but yeah, oh… yeah OK I’ll come down.”

It was the strangest thing, when I was back on my feet, my partner told me that she didn’t hold me up, that I was doing it all on my own.  It was hard for me to understand.

Here’s the thing.  When I’ve done handstands against a wall, it’s HEAVY.  My arms and shoulders hurt and tire easily.  I feel my entire weight of my body and legs all on my arms, wrists and shoulders.

However, without a wall, I felt no weight… that’s what I  meant by I felt like I was flying.  I don’t know what happened or how I did it.  I can only guess that I stacked my bones up to get the right balance.

I attempted kicking up with the opposite leg.  I was having a really hard time with it.  The worst part was that the rest of the class has finished theirs and so were watching me and cheering me on.

I think my partner had to collect the kicking leg (ie catch it and pull it up) and put my legs in line with each other.  Not as great as my first leg but I still managed to hold myself up there.

I tell you what, I’ve never in my life EVER done a handstand by myself.  Not as a kid, not as an adult.  But now, for the first time ever, I can see it as a possibility for me.

You know, it’s not the full posture and I didn’t do it by myself but it made my week.  I think that’s all you need to be happy in life.  Progress, possibility, learning new things and little wins!!


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