Tony &amp; Joy

This year is the first to break a streak of many years….. the boys fought. TWICE.

The first time was caught on camera. Tony closed Paris’ enclosure and let out Rome in the morning as usual. Except that Paris wasn’t in his enclosure…. he was actually sleeping inside a box outside. So… when Rome got to that spot, he was about to go into the box tunnel and instead came across Paris who, without much instigation, threatened and then after a bit of chasing, bit a chunk of Rome’s fur out. I heard it and ran downstairs and promptly separated them. Tony was in the toilet completely oblivious to the chaos he’d unwittingly created.

The second time was just this week. Rome must’ve been biting the fence between them and the gate opened which meant there was no more barrier between his and Paris’ areas. Both Tony and I were in bed. I was asleep, he was reading on his phone. Upon hearing the noise, I bolted up and said “what was that?” He said “nothing”. Before he could say anything else, I said, “Then why does it sound like fighting?” ran downstairs to find the gate open, Rome in his enclosure, Paris in his but both really tense and a big chunk of Rome’s fur (yup… .Paris just bites every time) in Paris’ area close to the opened gate. Fantastic. I closed the fence, calmed them down, you can feel their muscles through their fur, their entire body tensed up, ready to fight, it took a bit longer this time than last time so it must’ve been bad…. and Tony sealed the fencing with cable ties so this version of getting into a fight doesn’t happen again – especially when we’re not home!

They’ve also had visitors…. Tony’s cousin, cousin-in-law and niece came to see them. Apparently his niece’s first time to hold a rabbit, ever.

We also have another animal loving friend coming to visit in a few days who I know would love to meet them more than meeting us LOL. Ah, it’s nice to see that the boys have their own visitors.

Last story because it literally just happened. Rome jumped onto a box and of all the places to jump on this very long box (a long 2m item was delivered in it), he jumped right where there was a sticker… and of all the places to bite the box, of course, he bit and ripped off the sticker which then got stuck on his chin, then on his chest, then on his paw and he just couldn’t get it off. Now, if you’ve ever seen a rabbit in a panic, this is what happened to him. He just ran from place to place with eyes bugged out, flicking and kicking and licking his paw and flicking some more and when I went downstairs to help him, he ran and scampered and Paris was drawn out of his slumber in his tunnel, to watch the shenanigans. I basically chased Rome all over the lounge and finally caught him to peel the sticker off his arm. Yes, he lost a bit of fur that was stuck to the sticker. When it comes to stickers….. Rome always finds them and they always end up stuck to his chin, chest or arm (front leg). Never had a story like this with Paris but multiple times this has happened to Rome! The stupid thing is, I spent about half an hour removing sticky bits from a box yesterday (a different box) just to prevent exactly this from happening…. It’s Murphy’s Law… no matter how clean you think you made everything, Rome will always find the one sticker / sticky tape / sticky label that you missed and eat it and get stasis or have the event above.

Home, House and Completions

You would think that after all this time off, this would be totally finished but it isn’t. We decided that a blank white wall was boring and decided to make it a “feature” wall meaning we would either put wall paper on it or put stone tiles to give it some colour and texture.

However we decided no to the wall paper, wanting texture and after speaking to a friend about it and seeing the tile samples I ordered, we realised that there was no way us first timers would be able to tile a wall that big with the tiles we wanted – we’d have to get it done professionally, it would cost a lot etc etc…..

So we decided to just buy plastic tiles and stick them onto the wall with double sided tape. This is still a work in progress. Tony’s filling the gaps in (because low and behold, the walls are neither straight nor flat) after which, he will paint it, then spray paint it. I helped with the wall downstairs but for the upstairs one, he’s doing it on his own because my knees buckle just watching him on scaffolding and he’ll be doing this without any scaffolding at all. I will be available to call the ambulance. That will be my function when he gets to this part of the wall.

In the meantime, we had an electrician come in to do the bathroom wiring. “Get them to come in when I get a job” he says…. then he bugs me because I didn’t… so I did and he quits his job. Moving on….

The electricians did what they had to do but since we wanted to paint the walls, they left all the plastering to Tony. He’s sanded the walls, put mold resistant paint up and put on a couple coats but as we were putting up the vanity unit last night, we realised one of the pieces were not attached by the electricians when they installed the vanity so we had to take everything back down and put it back up with the additional railing they’d missed. Except that, when we took it down, we pulled off some double sided tape and ripped the paint off the wall so now he is repainting it again.

Also we ordered our couches, finally…. in January but they’re not getting delivered until September…. except we haven’t heard from the company to say when they’re ready for delivery just yet… it’s only the first… will wait a bit before chasing.

The saga must continue….

Tones and Joy – in terms of the 7 areas of life

Mental Health- Rating 5/10

Only because I haven’t slept and cannot think straight. For all I know I’m posting gibberish right now.

Physical Health – Rating 6/10

No exercise.

Sleep – totally sucks at 3 hours a night if I’m lucky.

I had to go to the doctor this year because I had heart palpitations. Basically could feel my heartbeat 24/7 for 2 weeks. Apparently there’s nothing wrong with me and “slim people often feel their heart beat”. I f*cking hate doctors so much. I mean seriously…. slim people often feel their heart beat?? So what does that mean??? That I am slim now and haven’t been so for the last 47 years??? Or.. I’ve just been completely oblivious to the feeling of my heart beat until now and now I can’t stop being aware of it?? Mental. Absolutely mental.

I did get an ultrasound and they found fibroids in my womb… she was supposed to be looking at my stomach and chest area but because she couldn’t see anything wrong there, she checked my womb…. fantastic… fibroids… apparently nothing alarming and everyone has them so they didn’t want to investigate that any further. Could it be the cause of my heart palipitations? No clue because well the body is not looked at holistically and as long as there’s nothing obviously wrong with my aorta, they’ll send me home and call it hypochodria.

They cannot find the cause of my feelings of a heart beat. It’s not normal and uncomfortable enough that I actually took myself to see a doctor but… since they saw nothing alarming didn’t bother trying to figure it out, sent me home and told me to just come back if I still felt it after a month.

Well.. it’s been more than that and I still do feel it but I’m not going to bother the doctor about it. Instead, as per usual I went home and tried to sort my heart palpitations out myself. I am attempting things like probiotics, digestive enzymes, antacids (because I think it’s something to do with indigestion like my insides balloon to the point where they push on and I can therefore feel the blood pumping through the aorta) so far, I’ve seen improvement but not a complete subsidence of the symptoms.

Tony and I also both had some weird eczema, rash type thing which wouldn’t go away. His was on his knee…. and mine was on all the parts where I’d have elastic on my body from various items of clothing worn. VERY uncomfortable.

Weight wise, despite the crap sleep, weight has been stable. I’m not as skinny as I’d like to be, the bingo wings are bothering me but the Mi scale says that my fat % is down, my protein levels are up and everything is in the correct range for me except for muscle mass of which I still need about 600g. This is the best I’ve seen my stats ever…. ie since we got the scale that measures it all which was 4-5 years ago I think.

Vocational Health – 2/10

I’ve taken a break. My website came down because I didn’t pay the whatever it is you need to keep it up… This definitely lessened the number of clients I got but I continued on with word of mouth referrals. At the same time I haven’t fixed the website (despite a few clients asking me to so that they could easily refer others) nor have I encouraged more than what’s coming through now because I have really needed the time out.

So now it’s the occasional one or two a week, some weeks with no clients at all and I’m OK with that especially in the non-sleep state that I’m in. It would not be good for anyone I work with for me to be in this state.

So keeping it that way until I’m ready again.

Familial Health – Rating 8/10

Nothing to report on this front. Everything plodding along with our little unit of Tones, me and the bunnies.

We now have more family than ever before in the UK because Tones’ cousins’ children are studying here. One cousin’s children are boarding. And the other of his cousins have moved their entire family over so they can be here while their kid studies here. She will also be boarding but only for the week.

Spiritual Health – Rating 9/10

The Miracle is still pumping. The salt cures this year were pristine until Tones started working for the narcissist and now it’s got a little bit of salt build up happening but not too bad and nothing like all the previous years.

The other salt cure remains pristine as if I’d just made them. These have been up since February 2023. How clean they are is super impressive proving that we in the house have been very chilled.

Despite my moodiness from not sleeping much, energy (serenity, peace) here has been great.

Financial Health – Rating 2/10

I lost quite a bit in financial investments over the last couple years and reverted back to my ostrich head in the sand thing that I’ve been doing for most of my life. This year I have not paid any attention whatsoever to the finances. Tony and I have just been spending and spending. To top it all off, he hasn’t worked for a total of nearly 4 months this year and I’ve barely seen any clients. So with that I’m rating our finances as a 2.

Having said that, neither of us are stressed about money. We already modified our expenses and savings in the past to prepare for circumstances like this. We know how to rough it out and take austerity measures if it gets to be that way but life is good so we remain steadfast in the knowledge that everything we need will be provided for. We are both enjoying our time off like a retired couple, plodding along doing daily stuff. I guess this is abundant mindset in full effect.

Still, I could focus even a bit of time on money. We always do financially better when both our eyes are on the ball.

I’ve totally dropped the ball here and need to pull my socks up, pull my finger out…. and all the other expressions that describe the requirement to whip us back into better financial shape!

Social Health – Rating 8/10

We stopped the ballroom dancing but made friends with a couple who were also doing it and live a couple of suburbs away. Just bumped into them when we went into their daughter-in-law’s shop. After that we organised drinks with them and every week since we’ve been meeting up with all different people. Most of whom we hadn’t seen since before Covid.

This part of our lives is filling up and we’ve been making a lot more effort to organise meet ups and also travelling all the way into London to see people.

We’ve also had and will be getting visits from people travelling from overseas which is also nice.

Overall, life’s been pretty chilled. The little bits of drama last for a day or two, recovery is quick and yeah, life’s just been pretty breezy.

It’s the way life can be for everyone really. So strange that people will always choose something else more dramatic.

That’s it from me just now. Until the next blue moon…..

xoxox

2022 Mar 03 New Moon

March 8, 2022 JP Leave a comment

New Moon, New Start. The new moon was yesterday.

Bob Proctor passed away on Feb 4th, right at the beginning of the CNY. Interesting timing.

If you don’t know who Bob Proctor is, he is an International Speaker and teacher of the principles of success, whose work reached every single country on the planet, literally, I believe last year. He teaches people about the laws of the universe, thinking their way into results and creating the lives they desire. He often said “Tell me what you want and I’ll show you how to get it.”

To me, he was my very first teacher / mentor / introduction into the world of personal development back in 2000/2001. I have been learning ever since. I remember walking around the park in front of my house, early in the morning, listening to a tape of him playing on my walkman, telling me, no, loudly and emphatically “telling” me, to repeat the following sentence to myself. “I am responsible for MY LIFE, for MY FEELINGS and for EVERY result I get!!!!!!”

I write it like that because that’s how he emphasised it and I would actually say that out loud to myself, in exactly the same manner (which really felt like I was telling myself off) as I walked around the park, over and over and over. I didn’t believe it though. I had been physically abused since I was 4yo, beaten to the point where I ended up in hospital for a month, I had been sexually molested from 13 through 17 with the overlap of constant mental and emotional negative berating, building my self esteem to less than the dirt that was left on a doormat.

Compared to my peers I was far behind in how much I earned. They’d all spent time at home being cared for and loved, been given the space and leadership to plan their lives and save money and most were in good careers, earning good money and close to, if not already buying their first homes, getting married and starting their families.

I’d spent my life battling, fighting just for survival, living homeless, then in government housing, working 3 jobs to put myself through university, learning how to survive. How could I possibly have been responsible for ALL OF THIS? Still I said it to myself over and over and over. “I am responsible, for MY LIFE, for MY FEELINGS and for EVERY result I get!!!!!!!!!!”

Bob told me I needed to change my attitude and that it was essential I took responsibility for my life. If I didn’t like where I was, I was the only one that was going to be able to change that and get myself out of there. So I listened and thank God I did.

20+ years later, I don’t need to explain how my life has become. I do it every time I blog!! But… my first mentor and the one who helped me through a bunch of cassette tapes, to change the trajectory of my life, has passed away. I was sad but more thankful than anything else. A real sense of gratitude came over me. If he had not been around, doing what he did, teaching what he taught, I would’ve continued to struggle and continued to blame my parents for the life I was living rather than finding that power within to make my life how I wanted it and gaining that understanding that if it was to be, it really was up to me.

They had a beautiful memorial for him which they shared online, his favourite poems, his favourite songs and beautiful tributes from his favourite people.

There is a saying that came to mind after I heard of his passing and it is this. “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready, the teacher will disappear.” – Lao Tzu (every time I find a quote I like, it’s by this same person… so bizarre, I must’ve been a Taoist in another life, or many lives before because being and living in truth, living a life with integrity ie being true to self, really sits deep as an integral part of my being and what I strive for).

I’ve heard many people share their stories of Bob and interestingly, all in their own words, felt that pull to step up or felt that he’d passed the torch onto them and that it was now their turn to contribute to humanity in the way that he did, by continuing to do his work.

I did not. To me it felt like closing the book to a chapter in my life and that it was now time for me to find and discover, my own way. It sounds a bit arrogant, why not do like everyone else and teach what has proven to work and pass on the greatness?

Well, the universe answered that for me today. I listened to a podcast with Richard L. Haight where he describes how one of his Samurai masters expected him to learn the ways and to then go and explore not just how to embody what he’d learned but how to create and breathe new life into it and how to make it his own. This is what the teacher expected.

The concept is to keep your mind fresh and open so that you can put in new energy rather than cementing something, keeping it rigid and static. And this makes sense to me. It’s more about flow, ease, grace, fluidity, flexibility (of course based on the solid structure those before you built), giving respect and reverence to that, while adding more to the mix.. isn’t this what evolution is?

I see it like how people beautifully restore Grade II listed buildings. They keep the essence, everything that is beautiful, the structure, the façade and then add new and fresh, modern, elements relevant to today’s standard of living, throughout. Some elements are even taken and used to make something else (like bricks from a broken wall, turned into a fireplace). You are simply, taking what was/is, and transmuting it into something more relevant and useful.

Or you could look at it like getting a recipe, finding another recipe, taking the best elements of both and mixing them together, making an enhanced version of that dish for a whole new experience. Triple cooked chips anyone?

So….. new moon, new start. I’ve created my life to this point… what will I create from now?

Paris & Rome

This month has been super chilled with the boys. Rome did manage to jump out of his enclosure again, despite us putting up a higher fence on one side. He did it because he gets to run in the mornings but we took ages to get out of bed and it was late and he decided to take matters into his own paws rather than waiting for us to open the gate. I guess he’d been listening to Bob too. I am responsible for my life…..

There was also the incident the other day where the self closing door, closed onto Rome and he got stuck in between. Thank God Tony heard him scrambling and saw him being sandwiched by the door, before it could do any damage. It’s a heavy door, it does close slowly (thank God) but I cannot imagine what would have happened if Tony didn’t notice it. Tony opened the door and released Rome from its grasp and it appears that no damage was done. The boy still runs around and zoomies and flops so we’re all good on that front. PHEW!

Last bit of news, we thought Rome broke a nail scratching at Paris’ fence trying to get in. I suppose that’s one way to keep his nails clipped however, when we went to clip their nails, Rome had all of his and Paris had one tiny claw… aha!!! It turned out to be Paris scratching his own fence and getting his nail stuck in there!

Other news on Paris, he remains shy and cute, super funny and timid one second, absolutely bonkers the next. He’s been biting everything every time he’s been let out. So the desk looks like it’ll lose a leg soon. Leave it to Beaver…. Tony had to get me new earphone jack/wire and I’ve lost my grounding mat because he’s bitten so much of it and then cut the wire that’s attached to it, plus all the beautiful sanding and painting Tony did on the stairs and banisters… well….. not as bad as the table but they do look like we live with a beaver.

He does it to mark territory unfortunately. Rome just chins everything which leaves no marks but Paris likes to mark signposts and tell stories on all sorts of things… “this is mine…. this is mine.. and everything here is mine… I was here, so this is also mine..”

What are ya gonna do? It’s what happens when you live with an indoor bunny that doesn’t like to share with the other bunny (who for all intents and purposes in human terms, actually owns that area since he spends majority of his time there). Paris, when let out, will stay IN HIS ENCLOSURE 80% of that run time. The 20% of the time he’s let out, is just to mark everything in Rome’s favourite hang out areas, as his and bite stuff just to say, “mine” or rather “not yours” and then he goes back into his enclosure ’cause he’s not actually interested in being there!!!🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Home, House and Completions

Tony has sanded the filing cabinet and all the drawers, the bedside tables and drawers, a little bit every day. I haven’t contributed to much of the house completions at all.

My contribution is to buy mirrors and properly decorate the place. I realised that I’m just being super cheap. I refuse to purchase furniture or anything else for that matter, on the basis that it’s not on sale. So technically, the reason why we don’t have furniture is because I really am being a tight ass and nothing else.

Tones and Joy – in terms of the 7 areas of life

Mental Health- Rating 9/10

We haven’t started doing any music lessons nor language lessons. My brain in the last month has been alright (as in not foggy in any way) however I haven’t been very motivated to do a lot.

We both noticed a lot of ups and downs with motivation where we’re both on a pattern of 1 week up and blitzing through everything and then getting lazy the second week and taking a step back (dropping 3 things out of 5) and then the next 2 weeks of the month on the trajectory of lazy, until the next month where….. we’ll pick up again and go crazy for a week.

This is that time, where we’re about to go crazy for the week however, since we both noticed this pattern in ourselves, we’ve decided the moment we get that feeling of wanting to step back, we will listen and step back but instead of dropping 3 things, we’ll only drop 1 and see what happens then.

Physical Health – Rating 6/10

On the exercise front, I have done nothing more and so I have put on weight. We both have. Even more than before. It’s been really easy to put on weight, more so than ever before…. I guess this is age? Neither of us quite understand it. Tony has been skinny/slim all his life and found it super hard to put on weight when he’s wanted to and yet in the last 6 months, he’s just gotten heavier and heavier. My weight yoyos but I’ve managed to maintain my weight in the last couple of years on diet (as in not eating wheat etc) alone and now, even though I’ve maintained the same eating habits, heavier and heavier I get too. Bizarre.

Sleep – we adjusted the mattress by putting a mattress topper on top, it was better however, why would you spend so much on a mattress if you need to put something else on top to rectify the problem it’s causing? We want to change this mattress and have been back and forth with the customer services people about it. After yet another month of waking up with backache, Tones has requested to start the returns / exchange process. Let’s see how this goes.

We have just started a new lot of 21 days of meditation and energy clearing. With it, comes a 9 day Liver Cleanse. So…. I’ve just done the shopping for that and this is what our March is going to look like. We didn’t do any of this in Feb…. so welcoming this new change for Spring with a detox in energy body and physical body, we feel is a great idea. Hopefully this will also do something about this bizarre weight gain we’re both experiencing.

The kinesiologist has said that I no longer need to be on my thyroid tablets and so, I’m going to ease my way off them until I finish the lot I’ve got.

Vocational Health – 8/10

Still continuing to see clients and they remain in steady flow. However, because I encourage 3 sessions and then let them decide if they want to keep going, most won’t. Not because they didn’t get anything out of it but because they did. And it’s like getting a massage isn’t it? You go in to sort out your pain and once that’s sorted you think, yeah I’ll just come back whenever and… whenever doesn’t come!!

The feedback I get that they actually did get something out of it is the fact that they will actually send others to me and some have even started paying for their friends to come and see me! They’re “gifting” it to them!!

So they’re not paying for themselves to come, but they pay for their friends! Amazing right?

My goal is always to have the person leave feeling better however, I do myself out of a job every time and need a constant stream of new clients, so it’s not the greatest strategy out there. I feel like if my clients keep coming back too often then I’m not really doing my job properly!!

I had one client tell me that her family member who she paid for to get remote sessions, has improved so much in health, that she wants to meet me in person and take me out to lunch. She sent a long message with a list of all the things that have improved and bottom line is, the doctors were dealing with cancer, multiple operations, multiple organ support, a long list of already long standing health issues, and then there was her age, none of the family knew if this person was going to make it but now…. this person is healthier than they’ve been in 10 years, has driven a car for the first time in a few years… has more energy etc. etc.

Yup, all thanks to God / Universe / The All and of course all the doctors that worked with that person. And, I am totally grateful for the miracles I get to witness like this, more and more now with this work. I’m so happy to be part of the change and the new flow and ease that my clients experience. It is all about clearing out the blocks a person might have to healing themselves (in any and every area of life, not just physically) and once that happens, their body really does perform miracles.

Thank you, thank you God.

Familial Health – Rating 8/10

Tones and I have taken a step towards being responsible adults and started again on creating our wills. I asked someone to be my executor and they brought up the fact that because we have no heirs (children), the wills might be contested by family members (siblings mainly).

So, I had to have that conversation with my siblings to say that should I die, I intend to give all that I have to Tony. And, should we both die, or if he dies first, we intend to give what we have to our chosen charities.

I also had to talk to a bunny rescue to ask if they’d take Paris and Rome and look after them if we died first and to work out how much money we’d leave them for their care. It really made me think how so many people don’t do this for their kids.

I only know of 2 people who have made wills as soon as they had children. My parents never wrote their wills (mum, not until she knew she was dying of cancer) and my dad is already over 70 and still hasn’t written one. We all think we’re going to live forever but we won’t.

The thought that as a parent, you could just randomly, accidentally die and nothing has been planned for your kid – as in, where are they going to live? Who is going to look after them? What if there’s no family in the country they’re living in? Where do they go? This is actually your responsibility to have it sorted out beforehand.

So now, Tones and I had to actually think of who we’d want to look after our kid/s (if we ever have them whether we adopt or foster or actually have a baby etc) if we die before they are adults and we’re being asked to think of these answers so that it’s all stipulated in the will “just in case”.

These are such difficult questions to answer!!! I know what everyone else is going to think… well isn’t that simple? Just let your family do it. Uhuh…. right… so if your family is in another country, you’d just uproot your kid from everything they know to go live with someone they don’t really know just because they’re family?

Here’s the other thing, which side???? What if the kid is still a toddler and you got family from both sides wanting to take them because you didn’t decide beforehand who was going to do it? Man. It really did make me stop in my tracks and realise that someone has to take over responsibility for everything I was responsible for and left behind and I can’t just assume that they’ll do it. How many people feel resentful for having to look after another kid they didn’t have, when they’re struggling to upkeep their own….? Asking people now and telling them now and hoping to God they’re open to it. Well, someone had to put on her big girl panties.

So yeah, I’m thinking of actually getting rid of a lot of things now so that nobody has to deal with it after I’m gone. If anything is my mess, I really should clean it up before I go.

I’d read of this girl whose parents were a nurse and a nurse’s aid who both died with Covid. She ended up having to get fostered because her closest family were in another country and unable to be with her because of Covid travel restrictions. I doubt very much they would have had the means to move country to keep her where she was, so she might have had to move countries to be looked after by them. Losing your parents is one thing but then having to go to strangers, moving countries or going to different strangers and navigating life without them is another. I definitely would rather know that if we do go, we’ve chosen the best people we know to help them navigate through life and left those people with the money they need to look after our kid/s.

So…. here’s to being responsible, to thinking of family before they even exist, to really creating the best possible scenarios for those you leave behind, post death. I feel overwhelmed but glad we are doing this.

Spiritual Health – Rating 9/10

We have invested a while back on a “machine that pumps out frequencies” , it’s called a Miracle. It’s all for changing the energy in the home. We’ve also started doing the 21 day medi-clearing again.

We have 2 salt cures up (I started this last year) and what happens is you put salt, water and coins in a jar. If there is any negative energy / bad chi in the space, the salt will absorb it and will become like a bad science experiment around the jar, caking up like overgrown cauliflower blooms. The more bad energy, the more these salt cauliflowers grow and flow out of the jar. Each Chinese New Year, the energy shifts around and so you must throw your old salt cures and place brand new ones.

This is the interesting part, last year’s jars had salt caked all over their rims by the time the Miracle arrived (late August 2021) so about 6 months of bad juju had already accumulated, unfortunately I forgot to take a picture of the jars at the end of the year (Feb 3 2022) because I was more concerned about throwing out the bad juju, safely. If you’re not familiar and want to google so you know what I’m talking about, look up images on a search for “feng shui salt cure”.

This year, it’s only been a couple weeks, but…. the salt cures are perfectly clear, as if I’d just set them up a couple hours ago. That means ZERO bad chi!!!!!!! Thank you Miracle! It’ll be interesting to see what happens during the year but there’s absolutely nothing going on with them now!!!! So cool right?

Although I feel good, those cures are the physical proof I needed to show me that the energy in our home is as super chilled and relaxed and calm as I thought/felt/experienced/describe. Again, thank you God.

Financial Health – Rating 8/10

I completed our expense sheet for the entire year from Jan 2021 through Jan 2022. It wasn’t pretty and yet super impressive that we managed to spend so much!! I now need to do Feb 2022.

We hadn’t been paid in a couple of months since Tony started his new job. I’ve been paid for my clients but he hadn’t been paid by his job and since he’s the main income earner, the other impressive thing these last 2 months is that we didn’t really need to adjust our living and behaviour to compensate for the lack of pay.

We have, for all intents and purposes created enough buffer to continue living normally despite not having our main income for 2 months. Thank you God! The expectation of being paid and then not being paid however, was the concerning part. They finally managed to pay his first month’s pay. We had enough money to go on for longer but that wasn’t the point – we started getting concerned that he was working to NOT get paid! They’ve rectified that and so now he is continuing to work and all is well again!

Anyway, the point of this whole thing? I am really happy and grateful that I’d arranged our finances in a way that allowed us to live normally whether or not we were getting paid. And we’re both super happy and grateful that he did eventually get paid. And… I really need to up my income, another one of those “just in case” things.

Social Health – Rating 8/10

We had someone over to our place, first ever. They sat on the floor because we have no furniture. Honestly felt forced / obligated to invite them but they got to see that I wasn’t joking when I said the house was still in disarray and we didn’t have furniture.

Have also started to invite people over for the summer giving Tony and I a deadline to get stuff sorted by then. I need to pull my finger out when it comes to furniture and decorations. Just get it done you know? But yeah, we’re getting way more social, we’re in touch with way more people again, definitely a sign of coming out of hibernation.

We’re going to be starting our Level 2 beginners Ballroom in a couple weeks.

Things are rocking and rolling now… 2022, we’re finally on board!

See you next time

xoxox

2022 Feb 01 Chinese New Year

February 3, 2022 JP Leave a comment

Happy Chinese New Year!

I love Chinese New Year (CNY) because the greetings are always to wish you joy, love, prosperity, abundance, health, wealth, longevity that things always turn out the way you want them to and many, many more forms of positive blessings like this, for the entire year! I don’t often see these type of greetings at Christmas or birthdays so I’m glad there’s at least one time in the year it happens so prolifically!

I have only ever celebrated New Year the Western way, growing up. You know, watching the city’s annual fireworks (in my case Sydney), staying up past midnight, screaming “Happy New Year!”, adults drinking alcohol, loud music.

There were the Filipino parties which involved all the above plus lots of food and karaoke and I remember a couple of New Years spent in the Philippines where you were blowing up your own crazy fireworks and running away before you blew up your own hand. I was always too scared of that sort of thing and so let the adults and braver kids do it while I watched from a distance. Then my uncles would tell stories of how people would blow up rats or windows and I’d see in the paper the next day, the pictures of the “wounded” (maimed would be the better terminology) and dead from New Years’ firecracker accidents.

I just reread that paragraph and am humoured by my explaining it all so matter-of-factly and even having the perception of it all as “normal” when it is so not normal in Western culture and in fact horrific!!

Then when I was older, being part of the merry people singing Auld Lang Syne in their drunken stupor, even though I don’t know the words or what it means but nobody ever notices because they’re all drunk anyway. And then trying to get home, while being pushed about by the droves of people who decided going out to watch the fireworks with 1,000,000 other drunk and rowdy people was a good idea.

These days, I stay at home and watch it on TV, it’s a complete non-event. It’s the marker in the year that has people stress beforehand of all the things they didn’t finish during the year and then the same marker where on the other side has people recommit and make resolutions to do the opposite of what they were doing to celebrate the event (Dry January, Veganuary, new gym memberships… anyone?).

But CNY is a completely different story. Having never even known when the Chinese New Year was, to the way we celebrate now has been an evolution over 10+ years and we keep doing it and keep improving it because our lives have improved with every year that we have celebrated it. So if it works, then we’ll keep doing it! Plus Tony does most of the cooking so that’s always a plus for me!!! This year he did 100% of it!

There is one thing that always stuck out to me with CNY and that is this “unhealthy obsession with money”. That’s how I understood it at first. It seemed that all the greetings were about having money, making money, not losing money, wishing you lots of money so that you can give me money, children excited to get their red packets to see how much money they got and everything else that meant money! The food was all symbolic of money. It felt like they wished you health so that you could make more money, wealth (which is money), money (because hey, if you’re going to be wished something, why not money?), abundance (even more money), prosperity (making lots and lots of money), luck (so you could win more money) and a long life (because this is considered a very good thing).

Now I’m older and been celebrating it (our way, mind you, the internet researched way, not necessarily the proper Chinese, traditional way), I’m understanding what the wishes are actually about. The wishes are around all the good things life has to offer and for you to live long enough that you can experience it all.

If you look at this though, most people will ask the question, “why so obsessed about the money though?” and I understand this now. It goes like this…. what is the point of having a long life if you’re going to be poor and not having enough to pay for shelter, food, heating etc nor able to do the things you’ve always wanted to do? What then are you living for? When you do get old, how do you pay for your medicine and healthcare? How do you provide for and nourish your body and that of your family’s, in the best ways possible? If your family has no money or hardly any, how will they take care of you? Bottom line, why would you ever wish anyone a long life without the means to upkeep a pleasant and enjoyable lifestyle with it?

I read somewhere that in this day and age, we all might live longer but we spend most of that extra time, dying. That was my paraphrase. Basically, just because our lives are extended doesn’t mean we have a quality of life for that extended period. What is the point in being alive if in that entire time you’ve got one foot in the grave, you’re on 50 types of medicine and you can barely walk or remember your name?

So the wish that you will have a long life with all that is good, including money and health, so that you can enjoy that long life healthily, happily and carefree with your loved ones, makes a lot of sense to me.

We wish you prosperity and abundance because it is when you are abundant and know you’re always looked after, that you will be able to make the best decisions for yourself and your family and be able to be your best self.

I don’t know about you but I love that over a billion people in the world wish this for each other each and every year, even if it’s just once in a year!!

Happy Year of the Tiger (to all those who celebrate)! May you live long and prosper! 🤔😉😆😂😁

Paris & Rome

It’s been a long time since I updated but they have been great. Ever since having the Fibreplex and changing their pellets, they have been super healthy and happy.

We’ve managed to upgrade their fencing too so that it’s no longer metal grids looking like a jail but frosted plastic on metal frames, so they look like they have frosted glass panels for enclosures instead. They look like proper posh bunnies now.

For the last couple of weeks, we’ve allowed Paris to free roam the flat all night. We let him out before we go to bed. Then in the morning, Tones usually (because he gets up earlier) will swap them, put Paris back in his enclosure if he’s not already in there and let Rome out so he gets to free roam all day.

Last night however, Rome managed to escape his enclosure by jumping over the fence. He jumped onto his hidey box or his bed first, then jumped over the fence.

I didn’t hear it but I woke up to the sound of them wrestling each other and slipping all over the floor. So, ran downstairs to find Rome’s fur coming out of his cheek, more of his fur on the floor, Paris standing at the front of his door to his enclosure defending his territory and ready to bite again. URGH!

Without knowing what really happened but understanding their personalities, I know that had it been the other way, Rome would defend his territory in the same way.

The only thing is, if he were outside away from his territory (which is where his fur and their fight had been last night), and came across Paris, Paris would still be the one to bite first.

That’s just how he is. Bite first, ask questions later. He bit Tones the other day when Tones was picking up his poo that was outside the litter.

The last time Rome bit me (I was the last one he bit) was when he was only a few months old. Bless him, he just growls and grunts now when you do something that really annoys him but he never bites. Paris however, you just never know. He bites me even now, when I pick him up and carry him. He does it so you put him down but does not think about the consequence of being dropped. It’s actually quite difficult to flinch from the pain and not drop him so I always wear long sleeves and a thick jumper before picking him up. The thing is, he doesn’t bite all the time so you just never know when it’s going to happen!! With Rome however, it’s guaranteed that Paris will attack, he aims for the face, eyes, nose and genitals.

So, we just have to keep them separate and watch them and every so often deal with the kind of episode we dealt with last night. Again very rare these days but still not pleasant because after one of those events, they are both agitated for a long while. The last time just seeing each other triggered so much aggression, for months. We’ll see how long this lasts…

Rome did nothing this morning but dig at and try to work out how to get into Paris’ enclosure and how to break down the extra fence we put up etc etc. ALL MORNING as soon as he was let out. Then when he got sleepy he slept right next to Paris’ enclosure so that when he wakes up he can continue looking for all the possible ways to get to Paris, just to get him back for last night.

Rabbits. Nobody ever tells you they can get like this. It’s always all floofy, cute and cuddles. These boys are something else!

Home, House and Completions

Black Friday hit and we didn’t buy anything because the things we wanted weren’t on sale. Looking for boxing day sales, again there was nothing because nothing we wanted was on sale.

New Year’s happened and still no sales for the items we wanted and so we bought a couple things at full price but then some of the things we wanted and would have bought, were out of stock. Honestly. WTF.

We did manage to get some things like hangers and the new fencing for the boys, a couple of heaters and a new mattress so that we finally started sleeping on a bed (and not a sofa bed) for the first time in over 2 years.

But there’s still no stools or furniture to sit on and we have a huge amount of things that we’re not sure what to do with… keep or throw? So we keep just in case until we decide to throw / give away / sell.

So much to buy….. and everything has gone up in price by at least 30% due to Covid related supply chain issues mixed with Brexit mixed with inflation.

Anybody out there get a 50% pay rise this year to compensate for this craziness? No? What only 1% of the 7 billion of you out there? Thought as much…. Our electricity bill has quadrupled, before the price hikes coming in April! And you wonder why CNY greetings include wishing you lots and lots of money!!

Tones and Joy – in terms of the 7 areas of life

Mental Health- Rating 9/10

In this area I’m talking about mental well being as in whether or not I’m learning and keeping my mental faculties exercised, brain health and function, keeping my mind active, working, firing information through my synapses and triggering new dendrites to grow, you know, formation of grey matter, good memory, being described as “with it” or “all there”… and mindset and attitude… rather than the type of mental health people like to talk about these days when they’re really referring to someone’s emotional well being only. AKA their ability to cope with life and all its stressors. I don’t think, my understanding anyway, that the term mental health includes brain disfunction or neurological diseases, degenerative or otherwise, maybe it does… I will have to look into that to see if that label covers it too.

Honestly, emotional well being to me, is how I feel about EVERY area of life. So I cannot score that here under “mental health”. The score ranking I give each area is how I FEEL about each area, thus, reflecting my emotional well being in each area. So with that in mind, overall, emotionally we’re well. You can just add up all my scores and average it out for my overall sense of wellness aka “mental health” (in the socially understood way).

With regards to mental – learning, focus, clarity of mind, I would say, I was pretty foggy for a long while there especially over Christmas and new year’s but now things are better. I honestly think that was a mixture of weather, length of daylight, temperature and the food we were eating and the lack of exercise which all led to lack of focus and not wanting to do anything. These days, the hours of sunlight are extending, the temperature is getting warmer albeit 7’C instead of -1’C and as of today I’m eating less brain fogging food too. Point? More focus. Look, I even managed to get a blog out!

Even went to the guitar shop the other day to ask about buying a brand new beginners guitar, like what would be a good guitar to buy if you’re just starting out (I didn’t buy it – the lowest priced guitar was £99 and the next level up was £249 hmmmmm) and we also asked about taking lessons. I don’t know about you but I don’t feel like spending so much money on a guitar if I don’t know how to play it. But they were of the ilk that you wouldn’t want to play it if it sounds shit and if you spend less than £100, it’s gonna sound shit.

Strangely, on making my enquiry about the lessons, Tones started talking about piano lessons. I’m thinking… oh I don’t want to do piano lessons, I want to learn the guitar and it turned out he asked because HE wants to learn the piano… say what?? That’s new!! But I’m so happy that he wants to do that!!! Though we will need to buy a keyboard now too, so he can practice.

Just add more to the list of things we need to buy!! You know… another reason why we like to be wished an abundance of money!!! 😉

Physical Health – Rating 6/10

Exercise or lack thereof and weight gain are the reasons for my low rating. I’m also on my first day of period and I always feel yuk on that day. A combination of lethargy and pain in the neck, back and belly, bloatedness and an inability to regulate my own temperature (too hot, too cold). Why would anyone rank highly when they’re feeling that way?

I suspect too much good food, chilling out, relaxing and zero stress has meant that it’s been super easy to put on weight since Christmas. I am now 6kg heavier than my ideal weight. That is, 13 pounds, almost a stone for those of you who use the British Imperial System and I gained half of all that in the last 2 months (Christmas to New Year to CNY).

Sleep – as mentioned, we got a new mattress. We were so excited. I haven’t slept this badly in forever. I wake up tired. I wake up in the middle of the night. I wake up feeling HOT like burning and on the verge of sweating but when I take the blanket off, the room temperature is freezing because we keep the heaters off at night.

This inability to regulate temperature has really meant not getting a good night’s sleep since we got this mattress…. it’s a Tempur 😦 I thought they were going to be great!!! They’re expensive enough. Still they have a 100 night sleep guarantee. We have only had it, coming to the 3rd week so, we’ll give ourselves time to get used to it and if things don’t change, we’ve got between now and 2 month’s time to ask them to change it to another. But I am tired, a lot and it takes me ages to wake up now so, that’s another thing adding to my low score.

Tones’ lower back has started hurting since he started sleeping on the new mattress and for the first week I’d say I had minimal pain but as the weeks have progressed, I’m starting to get more and more upper back and neck pain.

We attended 21 days of meditation and energy clearing which I will talk about in the Spiritual section. For now, I mention this because my chronic pain disappeared. However, I have found that I’ve started to get different aches from sleeping on this mattress. WTF.

I’m still on my thyroid tablets and it took that long, it really did…. but my moon time is finally in sync with the moon again and my hair loss has started to reduce which I’m relieved about. Since it’s taken about 3 months to get here (unlike pharmaceuticals, rebalancing hormones the natural way takes time), I’ll have to wait a little while longer to get to the point where I know I’m getting my period but don’t experience all the pain that comes with it.

Vocational Health – 8/10

The clients have been a steady flow. I took 2 weeks off over Christmas and New Year’s and was quite busy to the lead up to the end of the year. Once my calendar was open again this year and even though I felt that most of my clients had concluded their sessions last year, I ended up getting several bookings per week through referrals.

I honestly thought I’d be starting from scratch again and seeing one client a week but instead I’ve had at least one client every day. New and old. I know I can do more but I like the pace at the moment as it gives me time to look after myself, the home, all my boys, which brings a lot of peace of mind. This in turn means I can give more to my clients and be with them, for them etc. no matter how crappy or tired I might be feeling when I wake up, this gives me time to warm up to being OK to working with clients by the afternoon.

If I had to get up early and rush through everything just to see client after client after client, I wouldn’t be having any fun and I don’t think my clients would feel that I care so, I’m happy with the current flow.

I know lots of people would be beating themselves up or pushing for more clients. I think I could take on a few more. Ideally 9 x sessions a week max. So I still have room for more people but I probably will cap it at that.

My last couple of sessions have felt amazing. I see the difference in their faces. The scowls on their faces from stress or anxiety when they first get on the call and then the smoothness and glow of their skin afterwards along with their smiles, after. It’s really fired me up. I feel so blessed to be part of that change.

At the end of the day, they are making the changes, they are healing themselves, I just guide and facilitate the process and get to see the outcome of the journey. Kind of like a travel agent who books the flight and tours, sees the stressed person at the beginning and then sees the relaxed happy smiley faces after the trip…. that is definitely a reward in itself.

Familial Health – Rating 8/10

Again I’ll mention the meditation energy clearing here because it helped with our relationship.

There was an exercise where we had to evoke anger in ourselves, pull out all the anger, really feel it etc and to do that for a whole weekend. WELL, you know the last blog about how Tony never does anything romantic and how I feel like he’s not thoughtful etc? It all came out then and he had to hear it all.

It was a rough weekend and we were both very unhappy. Feelings of anger mixed with sadness, exasperation and disappointment, in each other, in ourselves.

And then, because it was out and I finally felt heard and he actually started doing things to change it, the issue dissolved. I wouldn’t say it resolved completely but rather, lessened in intensity with us now more conscious of making effort in our relationship and communicating even more.

Marriages weren’t ever meant to be smooth sailing all the time. The point is the effort that we make to continue to work together as a team and the choice we make on a daily basis to continue to do that.

Nothing dramatic has come from that work. It’s not like I can say, oh before we were fighting (’cause we weren’t) and now we’re not… or whatever but we both feel that any deep down resentment was released and so our relationship has been much lighter. We laugh more and we enjoy things more. Again, not dramatic, all very subtle but that is energy work. It works subtly. You find more ease even in places where you thought it was already easy!

We also started ballroom dancing classes again. We’ve done 2 weeks so far and because it’s “revision”, we’re finding it easier and are having way more fun with it.

Spiritual Health – Rating 8/10

Back to basics. We are spiritual beings living in a human body. I love the saying, “You don’t have a soul. You ARE a soul. You have a body.”

I like to remind myself of this once in a while. Most people don’t even see it or want to know it. This is not the time for that, anymore.

We are now at a time where people are becoming very aware of themselves and hearing the call to stop being part of the humdrum and instead, express what their spirit is here for. I know this is why more people are coming to me as clients.

It’s why Tones and I went to do 21 days of energy clearing AND meditation mixed together. There is more to this world than what we can SEE, even more than we can actually perceive with all of our 5 senses. Science creates machines to perceive things we cannot perceive and still hasn’t been able to explain everything and when they do come across a “new” scientific “discovery”, you only have to look at ancient texts and explanations of spirit and you will see that this information has been with us all along.

I digress, back to our 21 days of energy clearing / healing. We grounded ourselves, we cleared entities, discarnate beings, light language was used, our spirits were reunited with our bodies (if we had exited and left and were only tethered), we had many different calibrations checked and all sorts and in that mini time and space, our relationship improved as I’d mentioned above, my chronic pain had gone so physically improved, we have more clarity and peace, I’m able to be a better healer to help my clients more, Tony got a new job. Yes, a lot can be done with energy healing.

There are things that we cannot see that have influence over us and can imbalance us and the more we find them and clear them from our energy bodies, the less we are influenced by external things and the more we can listen to INternal things like inspiration (IN Spirit), intuition (internal instruction). The most important thing though, I believe, is sovereignty. Stepping into our own personal power, making decisions and choices that ecologically benefit ourselves and everyone around us, not because anyone or anything made us but because we chose it after listening to ourselves.

That right there is a new way of being and what we’re all being called towards. I’m still learning, I just started and I’m not always there…. it’s one of those maintenance things like yoga, exercise, diet. This one is spiritual nourishment and clearing. It really has to be done every day and I must admit, it is not a habit for us just yet. So, here we are, taking a break from it because we wanted time to “integrate” but I tell you what, it’s definitely something we will be doing again.

Just like celebrating CNY, if it works, just keep on doing it!

NOW…. we need more money just to be able to participate in spritiual cleansing, so you see….? Yet, another reason why we wish people more money! Not just that, I wanted to make a point here to show that money and spirituality are not opposing or dichotomous. They shouldn’t even be on the same branch. One is a tool and the other is a way of being. Just saying….

Financial Health – Rating 8/10

Believe it or not I’ve set up our expenses spreadsheet and started populating it for all the expenses we’ve made for the whole of 2021. This was meant to be a monthly exercise so I ensured I checked all the statements for correct transactions and also to be able to analyse where we were spending unnecessarily or excessively.

This will help especially considering our food and energy bills amongst everything else, have shot up in price. It’s a good time now to start dialing back on our spending. And boy do we spend.

We still have a whole heap of furniture and soft furnishings to purchase. I have to somehow work out how to get all those things for much less.

Having said all of the above, we are doing alright financially. We continue to be able to pay for all our bills, food, electricity etc. I did mention Tony got a new job right? Well, that’s helping a lot.

One thing I am upset at myself about is that we were going to get the boys onto pet insurance. Somehow I didn’t give myself a reminder (or I did but then the system we were using stopped being supported and I didn’t manage to move the reminder/task over to the new app I am using now). Either way, I was supposed to have started their insurance when they were 4yo (not 5yo which they are now) and so now that I’ve started looking into it, it’s too late for any pet insurance to provide them insurance at all.

A 5 year old bunny is non-insurable. This means, Tones and I are now responsible for the outlay of any and all vet bills, medicines and operations that might come up as a result of their ageing. I don’t get it though, bunnies live until they’re 12-13 years old. How are they not insurable for more than half of their lifetime?? Basically if you insure them before they turn 4 years old, you can then apply for lifetime insurance after that…. but if you apply at 5yo, you can’t get insurance at all.

I will have to do more research on this now but if the above turns out absolutely true and I can’t find a way or an insurer that will insure them based on them being really healthy…. Tones and I are going to have to start saving a lot of money to cover their bills as they get older and frailer.

This does also bring to mind our own care for when we get older…. The things we have to think about!!! See??? Wishing for a HEALTHY and WEALTHY long life for all of us!!!

Social Health – Rating 8/10

We’ve gone to a wedding, spent time with family visiting from overseas and visited friends. A few friends have had their first, or second baby. Despite all the deaths with covid, it seems that the population is continuing to increase.

We’re spending time with friends online again and I’m making the effort to schedule time in with people. So this area of life is going OK.

Our Chinese Horoscope (’cause that’s the only one I’ll ever read) says that we’re going to be very busy this year. I’m feeling it already. With the bunnies being naughty (to injury) or sick, the clients coming in more frequently, friends wanting to connect more, meeting new people and making the effort to form those friendships, now that the UK rules around covid are a lot more relaxed, us booking ourselves into dance classes and instrument learning classes, it does look like it’s going to be a busy year ahead.

Whatever this coming Tiger year brings for you, I do wish you a tonne of growth, finding yourself, expressing more of who you are in the world and the health and abundance and love and definitely all the money you need to make it all happen!!

Until next time,

xoxox

2021 08 Oct – 21 Oct Summary

October 21, 2021 JP Leave a comment

2 weeks of aches, pains and discombobulation for our household.

Paris & Rome

The boys, both of them haven’t had stasis but their guts aren’t producing normal poos. Always misshapen or like toothpaste consistency, neither of which are poos of a healthy bunny. Their butts have been messy / dirty looking, sometimes stained. I’ve even noticed that Paris has started ripping bits of his fur out (that’s stuck to poo) which he’s evidently been attempting to remove from his fur and won’t come off unless it takes the fur off with it.

Their food for over 4yo bunnies / senior bunnies finally arrived today. I think it’s going to make things better for them. I’ve also fed them some Fibreplex (high fibre food supplement in a syringe, also high in probiotics to rebalance their gut biome) and that helped too. Paris ran away from the syringe after smelling it. I had to force feed him and he spat out the bits of it that he could and swallowed some unwillingly.

Rome went straight to eat from the syringe but then decided he hated the taste of it and spat the entire lot out shortly after! He must’ve gone back to eat it later because I’d left it on the floor where he spat it out and it wasn’t there later. Also his poo had improved from tiny tiny dots to normal sized ones. At lease I had something to help them while we waited for the new pellets. I think (and hope) that this will resolve the issue and they’ll both be OK after this.

The Fibreplex was carrot flavoured. My bunnies don’t eat carrots… not fresh ones anyway and so they proved that by spitting out the carrot flavoured food. 🙄 I do think we have 2 of the weirdest bunnies ever in terms of food…. they LOVE hay, they HATE and actually run away and thump and give you that look of “how dare you try to poison me!” when we give them any fresh fruit or veg and will only eat dried veg and dried fruit.

They will eat fresh herbs but are very picky with them. Sometimes they’ll eat them, sometimes they’ll just leave them to wilt.

Home, House and Completions

Tony’s on his last few electrical sockets downstairs. He’s been drilling, sanding, plastering, sanding, painting, sanding, painting, double painting, triple painting the walls all around the sockets.

Things are moving much faster than they have been in the months prior. Makes me think I should’ve “gotten the shits” a long time ago. You know…. that expression means pissed off but in the UK it means having diarrhea. So I thought I’d confirm that I do mean the former rather than the latter meaning.

It’s just my turn now to research the mirrors, order them and have them delivered and installed or at least know that we’ll be OK installing them ourselves. Then we’ve got to remeasure and redesign the storage cupboard/pantry shelves and I need to get some heaters.

Can you believe it? We’re at 11’C now and we still don’t have any heaters in the flat despite having gotten rid of every single one of our storage heaters during the kitchen rip out.

Then I’ve got to organise all the furniture…. yup, we’ve lived this entire time without furniture. Phew, our bank accounts are going to be looking thin yet again. Tones wants me to get everything researched and ready so that when black Friday hits (which is only a month away) we’ll be able to order everything.

Tones and Joy – in terms of the 7 areas of life

Mental Health- Rating 9/10

I put my focus on my physical and emotional well being. I started jumping on a trampoline a little while back but couldn’t do more than 200 jumps without feeling dizzy when I got off the trampoline or having my calves ache or feel out of breath.

I upped that to 250 by the beginning of this month and I have consistently jumped on the trampoline until today, every day and I’ve managed to up the number of jumps to 500+ in that time.

It doesn’t sound like a lot and technically this goes in the physical health area but I put it here in mental health because it’s the use of a daily tracker, the building of a healthy habit, doing things incrementally, easily and without much resistance from the mind that has me master it.

The little incremental steps makes the mind relax and say, I can do this and the increased numbers gives a boost of positive reinforcement for progress made. Mentally, it’s been really good for me and keeps me going. Meanwhile I’ve created a new exercise habit and it’s been so seamless, it really feels like I’ve been doing it this whole time.

Physical Health – Rating 8/10

I have been having a lot of 1 meal days, especially recently. It’s not on purpose and I’m not at all losing weight. However, I haven’t felt hungry by the time dinner comes around and neither has Tony so we haven’t been bothered to eat when we feel full.

I managed 4 yoga sessions, all yin, all only 30mins in the last 2 weeks. This is a habit I haven’t yet seamlessly inserted into my routine and is currently on again off again, 4 in a row, none for the rest of the time. Definitely need to work on adding this in the way I did the jumping.

Sleep – I sleep anywhere between 1am and 3am and wake anywhere between 7.30am-10am. My circadian rhythms are off. Saw the kinesiologist today and she mentioned to attempt to sleep an hour earlier each day until I’m in bed at a reasonable time, more regularly. I will attempt this in the coming nights.

Pain still exists in my neck and shoulders. I attended a LIVE where an energy healer was giving free energy healing sessions out to people who asked questions. So I asked…. and, she found that I wasn’t even in my body anymore. She said “the pain was too much and so to cope you left your body and are just tethered to it lightly.”

Do you remember me mentioning last time that the pain I was experiencing was so much I didn’t want to be here anymore? Well, apparently this wasn’t just a description of my feeling, I actually spiritually did it… There’s no way she could have guessed that because all I said was that I had chronic pain in my neck, back and shoulders that wouldn’t clear no matter what I did.

Anyway for a brief moment in time, I felt relief… zero pain in my shoulders last night after the healing. It has however, returned today. URGH. I’m also super tired. I’m always so super sleepy after every time I eat and my eyes are rolling back and head is nodding as I write this. I’m ready to fall asleep and it’s only the afternoon.

Anyway as mentioned, I just saw my kinesiologist today and she’s going to send me a list of all the different supplements we need…. hopefully we can get those and I’ll be feeling better after that. I am afterall experiencing lots of thyroid problems which explains the lethargy. Sleep is what I need. Even though I think it’s all I ever do and need to stop, it turns out, I need more of it, at the right times!

Vocational Health – 8/10

I got a new client and someone referred another to me. The referred person has contacted me but hasn’t yet booked and the new client booked and paid ahead of time and she’s doing great after just one session. Her feedback was that she wasn’t expecting the session to be so intense 😉 That’s the goal… not intensity but… results.

Having done therapy to resolve issues in the past, I guess she wasn’t expecting her first session with me to dig that deep and clear that much. She also could feel things (which others have reported too when they’ve worked with me) like tingles or tightness/pressure in the areas we were working on. Again, she wasn’t expecting that to happen either (neither do I to be honest. Not everyone feels something but it’s always cool when the person doesn’t expect it and they do). Intense and looking forward to her next session…. I’m happy with that.

Familial Health – Rating 5/10

We had our 10 year wedding anniversary a few days ago. I bought a seafood platter or en Francais (and what it was called when I bought it) un Plat des fruits de mer. It’s pretty cool, you buy it all cooked and prepped and frozen. Then on the day, you defrost the whole lot, dress it up on a plate, serve it and voila, “the dining room proudly presents…. your dinner.” (That’s a Beauty and the Beast quote just in case you didn’t catch that.)

It sounded simple until the day came and the temperature was so cold in our flat (sin heaters remember?) that nothing defrosted and I had to put everything in the oven on the defrost setting and it still took another 1.5hrs LOL. It was also a huge effort for me to get all the ice set up and arrange it all on a plate. I think I did a fabulous job but it was still 3 hours work. Imagine what it would’ve been like if I actually had to cook it all too! Oh…. and I made heart shaped ice to put it all on which of course I sorted the day before.

Anyway that was as far as the celebrations went. No flowers or cards or presents or anything else. Tones wrote a poem on the board we recently put up on the door. That’s as romantic and thoughtful as he gets. That’s the effort he goes to, for our 10 year anniversary. The rest of the day went as usual. He worked, I studied.

I do wish sometimes that he’d be more romantic but I do get that when he makes the effort to surprise me, I often throw it back in his face. For example, he bought me flowers once and I told him off for it because I knew he was just doing it ’cause he pissed me off the day before. For me, there’s no point giving me flowers after you’ve pissed me off unless you want me to throw them in your face or in the bin. So…. yes, I’m like that.

If you piss me off, I want an apology, an acknowledgement for what you actually did to piss me off and a commitment for it to never happen again. For flowers, I expect you give them to me because you thought of me that day and just wanted to tell me I was special or acknowledge me on a special day. Those are 2 very different reasons and flowers to say sorry don’t work for me especially when there’s been no acknowledgement or apology otherwise. It’s like spraying perfume over shit and giving that to me. It’s not appreciated.

Then another time he took me to the gherkin for my bday (the building in London that looks like a…. gherkin) and I got the shits because I’d specifically requested to go to a French restaurant down the road from our place which was #3 best restaurant in London. I gave him the name, the telephone number and told him very specifically how much I’d LOVE to go there for my birthday and he completely ignored me and my specific request and instead took me to the gherkin.

Sure it was hard to get a booking, sure everyone wants to go there and see the night lights but I’m not everyone and that’s not what I wanted nor did I ask for it. SO…… I wasn’t so grateful, pissed off actually…. and the food was average, we weren’t sitting next to a window and the lights were flat… London isn’t picturesque like New York at night.. it’s one flat plane of one coloured dim lights and the service was really crap.

I ended up booking the French restaurant myself and Tones admitted that it was way better food, much better service and so much closer to home and it also cost way less and made me more happy. Anyway my point? If I ask for something, then that’s what I want. I barely ask for anything so when I actually do ask and very specifically, it’s really important to me. It really upset me that I was so direct, so specific, made everything so easy that all he had to do was call the number and book a table and instead he goes out of his way to not give it to me, especially for my birthday.

Do I like suprises? Sure, I love them actually but don’t do it in lieu of what I’ve asked for.

Anyway it’s been 10 years of marriage (13 years together) and Tones hasn’t figured this out AT ALL and his coping mechanism has been to not do anything at all. If he does nothing, he won’t get a telling off for not meeting my expectations and so now that’s his default.

If I don’t organise anything, nothing happens. I have to organise my own cards, my own flowers, my own presents, my own party etc etc etc… and of course I’m not that narcissistic and so the result is that I get nothing… and, when our 10 year anniversary comes, we had the seafood platter I ordered, plated, organised etc. and nothing else.

Black Friday is around my birthday and because we shop a lot on black friday, he’s decided that whatever we order in that time, one of them will be my bday present… if not, all…. and xmas and anniversary and since he’s taken this attitude, I’ve done with the same with him. Zero presents and he can just assume something we bought during black friday is his belated bday present etc etc.

I think of all the things in our relationship I hate the most, it’s this. His birthday is not important to him, he doesn’t care to the point where on his 40th I organised a trip to Rome (his mecca). I booked everything, looked up all the restaurants etc and he loved it.

On my 40th, we cancelled our trip to Costa Rica where I wanted to be for my bday (because his mum died and we paid for 3-4 return flights to Australia from the UK which was over and above what we pay in any year for longhaul flights… so I gave up the trip in order that we don’t go into debt) and he used the money we didn’t have enough of, to buy himself a tablet he didn’t need (he actually did it on the day of my birthday) and he didn’t think this was a problem at all… to the point where he got pissed off at me for getting pissed off.

Since that day, I haven’t booked a thing for his bday nor gotten him any presents and he hasn’t noticed. We still haven’t been to costa rica, he still hasn’t booked a replacement trip for my non-event 40th. It’s not a covid thing either.. I’m turning 45 in a month. He’s had 5 years to resolve that situation but he’s forgotten about it.

So yeah, we have an extremely non-romantic relationship and I cannot count on him to be romantic or thoughtful on special days.. EVER. I have friends who say “maybe he’s got something planned for the weekend” or “you can always celebrate your 41st bday in Costa Rica”…. It actually makes me feel worse. I know him better than they do. It’s never going to happen.

If I have to wait for him for anything, I have to wait forever which means I have to accept that it’s never going to happen. To make anything happen, it’s me that does it. The only reason any person gets any card or present from him, even if it looks solely from him… is because I did it. Every time I’ve left him to do it himself which believe me I’ve done a lot, nobody gets anything. He’ll just pay for their drinks, buy their dinner but he’s not going to out of his way to get them anything.

If I arrange my own birthday dinners and presents and trips, then it’s like every other holiday we’ve ever been on, it’s not very special is it? I do all the research, all the bookings, logistics, events, timings etc etc and he gets to just turn up and enjoy the trip. Lucky him.

But hey… you make your bed, you gotta lie in it and while I’m grumbling about this bullshit 10 year anniversary and not feeling very loved or special, I might as well put it here… if you wonder why we have no children…. it’s called waiting for Tony and now I’ve waited so long, I’m getting too old to have kids with him or with anyone else.

You know, I’ve always wanted to be a mum…. but I had to give that idea up when I married Tony and I’ve mourned and grieved over never having them and that’s the end of that. My bunnies are my babies now, they’re all I’ve got.

Happy 10th anniversary to me.

Spiritual Health – Rating 8/10

Last night I had a healing done, a spiritual one. The woman told me that I was hurting so much, I felt so much pain that I left my body. She also told me that I had a lot of anger and fear and so she worked to clear that. She said that the reason why I didn’t even know I had any of this is because I was not in my body anymore. You can’t feel it if you’re not there!

Then she said that I somehow stopped giving…. From what I wrote above about Tones, you can see why.

Actually, Tony is exactly like the rest of my family. As in, my actual immediate family. My mum and I didn’t have the best relationship and instead of taking the time to get to know me, instead of sending a card or a gift, she’d just deposit some money into my bank account and send me an email to say happy birthday.

My dad, brother and sister if I’m lucky (because my bro will actually not be bothered at all) will send me a message just like every other FB stranger saying “Happy Birthday” when FB reminds them. No call, no card, no gifts and no other words, no how are you, or what did you do to spend the day, did you have a nice day, it’s been ages, what’s been happening with you….. none of it. Just an obligatory “happy birthday”. If there was no FB, I wouldn’t hear from them at all.

The relationship between me and my family was always me doing all the work, me calling, me sending gifts, me sending messages, me organising family dinners and eventually.. FINALLY I realised it’s been one way effort this entire time and so… I stopped.

The lady wasn’t wrong… actually she was VERY RIGHT when she said that I stopped giving. She looked very baffled because many people give and give and give and just have a hard time receiving…. I completely stopped giving. This is huge… she made me consciously aware that I stopped caring, I stopped giving a shit, I stopped making any effort, I stopped wanting to make people happy (that’s what giving is right?). Sure I do this with my clients but they pay me for it don’t they?

urgh, my life has become nothing but a bunch of transactions.

She did say that if I do give.. it’s really hard and it takes a long time. She sure got that right. I had a friend I thought of giving a present to in Dec last year. I didn’t manage to send her anything until July. I wanted to… it just took me so long to remember to do it and then ages to choose what to give her and finally ages more to convince myself to go ahead and buy her something.

I guess it’s because I just had the healing last night that this stuff is coming up now. I didn’t even know I did/was doing it… actually couldn’t feel any of it because I’d disconnected completely from all my pain and forgot about it, “left my body”. Now she’s brought me back into my body, I can feel it all, remember it all and so now I have to deal with it all.

This is what happens when you heal… you have to face your greatest demons. Well, they’re here and in my face and so you get to hear about it all. I guess, this is what I’ll be working on for a while.. letting go of all that hurt and rejection and non-reciprocation and somehow learning to continue to love and give, despite it all, learn to love and give and expect nothing in return… I think that’s the lesson. If I expect nothing but give anyway, then I actually won’t be disappointed when I receive nothing.

How do you even do that without coming to the conclusion of “what’s the point?” Why do stuff to make people happy when they really couldn’t give a shit whether or not you’re happy and then do that over and over and over? I mean… why would I be a sucker like that? Yup…. that needs some working on because I cannot see how this works.

Financial Health – Rating 5/10

This has gone to the bottom of the list. I’ve done nothing in this area. The truth is however, money means nothing if you have no friends, no family and are not happy with the one person you committed your entire life to.

I sound like a friggin’ manic depressive. Money is important to keep you fed, housed, clothed especially if that’s all you are living for. God help me when Paris and Rome pass away. I won’t have anything left to live for after that. So… I’m going to have to find some greater meaning, that’s for sure!

Social Health – Rating 8/10

I wish I had friends but you know why I ditched them? The ones I thought were close betrayed my trust in some shape or form, took me for granted or, emotionally manipulated me, used my accommodating them as the reason to dictate my life and not respect my boundaries so I had to put my foot down when the boundaries were completely compromised. If I felt disrespected, minimised, violated, emotionally manipulated, I cut them off.

Then I went through some major traumas and really tough financial times and I realised that hardly anyone stayed and maintained relationship because well, they’re there if you’re up for having fun and spending a tonne of money but nowhere to be found when you really need them.

Then the ones who went and had families and kids. I cannot relate to any of it, they operate in a different timezone and speak a different language.

Then the workmates… they’re on existent if you don’t work in a job and choose to run your own business from home and do everything online.

I know I’m travelling a lonely road here. It’s weird… I have to acknowledge this is where I am and that this is what I’ve created for myself. I think I’ll have to change all the scores to really low now. URGH.

If I’m manic depressive, my next post is going to tell you how glorious my life is. For now, I’ve got a lot to sort out.

xxxxx

2021 03 Sept – 07 Oct Summary

October 7, 2021 JP Leave a comment

Something I forgot to mention ages ago was that after all our crazy renovations, we also ended up with blocked kitchen pipes so that our brand new washing machine and brand new dishwasher were both spitting out dirty water into our brand new kitchen sink and getting backwash into themselves. This was just added stress on our part with having to deal with yet another thing after being unhealthy, gaining weight, being so out of whack and out of routine during renovations.

So… anyway, this is mentioned for my own memory in case I read back later on. I need to be reminded of the chaos that ensued the minute we decided to demolish our kitchen on a bad feng shui day…. You know, just so I remember in the future (if ever I forget and decide to do this again).

I swear having poor memories is why people keep having kids right? Because they forget how much it hurt the first time? And then forget about how much it hurt after the second time? And don’t notice how much it continues to hurt? LOL I’m talking about bank account, sleepless nights, slave to work kind of pain…

I might not have kids but I’m sure as hell going to remind myself about the pain of renovations. It took us 11 years to forget and do another one. I don’t think I ever want to do this again but then that’s what I said 11 years ago.

Anyway it’s been a month and a lot has happened and yet there’s not much to update on. Today, I made my very first 3 day marinated Miso Black Cod and it was so good, if I do say so myself! So I made the marinade and marinated the fish on Monday and cooked it today for lunch. So good. I wish I had made more!

Paris & Rome

Romey Rome Rome got a tummy ache again 2 weeks ago and it was a bad one. One that kept me and Tones up all night. None of the usual ways we fix it worked…. We called the vet at 3.45am at the 6hr mark of not eating, pooing or drinking and they suggested we either syringe feed him at home or bring him into the vet to syringe feed him but to try the syringe feeding at home first.

Lucky for me I still had the syringe from when we had to give them pain meds when they got neutered. I threw the medicine because they haven’t needed the pain meds since and that was 4 years ago. However I kept the syringe and it sure came in handy.

The problem was not having the special food to feed him with – they invited me to visit the emergency vet at 4am to pick up a pack however we don’t have a car and they were 2.4miles away so rather than faffing about with getting a taxi, I just got the powder portion of his usual pellets, mixed it with water and syringe fed him that. He ate it but after 3 tiny lots, he started to refuse and just let the stuff fall out of his mouth.

It was stressful to watch him in so much pain, but we handled it. The instruction was that if he took some food when force fed, we could wait 2hrs and then bring him in if he didn’t poo. OR we could wait only 1hr and bring him in, if he didn’t eat. Considering he took some food, we waited and at the 2hr mark, he pooed… the tiniest, most littlest, most painful looking poos ever. By then, it was nearly 9hrs since his last poo, drink, eat… it was a relief to see something happen!

Both relieved that his digestive tract was moving again, even if somewhat slowly, he ate a few pellets by himself and we went to bed. That was 5am. At 6.30am I woke up again just to see if he had eaten or pooed anymore and he hadn’t….. so I force fed him water only. He refused. At 7.30am Tones woke up and asked if we needed to go to the vet but Rome had just pooed a second time, some more tiny poo but then he drank and ate so…. we waited yet again. Basically, we monitored him every 2 hrs and took a picture of his litter every time to ensure that we weren’t imagining more poo. By 24hrs, all his food had been eaten, he was back to normal. Exploring, biting furniture, binkying, flopping and most importantly, got super excited to eat when it was dinner time.

Anyway, this wasn’t fun at all. He didn’t end up going to the vet but I didn’t like how close he’d come. So I researched and bought 3 different types of emergency food for GI stasis, one comes with a larger syringe than we had and provides beneficial probiotics to balance gut bacteria and encourage movement of the bowels.

What this made me realise is that they’re getting old. They turned 5yo in Sept… and now when they get issues like gut stasis or diarrhea, they’re not recovering as easily as they used to and will start to require more help.

I’ve also started researching for senior bunny food which I’ve bought a pack and await its delivery at the end of this month. I also found another food that they are to be given at age 6yo and over, so I’ve tagged that for purchase starting next year.

Back in the day people used to think that bunnies only lived for 4-5 years but these days, it’s pretty usual to find them still going at 8-12yo. The oldest I’ve seen was 13yo.

Paris got GI stasis the week after except his only lasted an hour and so we really didn’t intervene. Just watched, encourage him to move about for a bit and that was it. Again however, it did make me think how important it was to watch them more closely now. The older they get, the slower they heal. Same as us. I just hope for these boys to live as long as they choose and that we can give them a good quality of life in that time. We aim to give them the best quality life we can.

Home, House and Completions

I completely lost the plot last week and just went off at Tony for a whole day about how we’ve been sleeping on a sofa bed for 2 years and that we still haven’t moved into our flat despite us being here for 2 years.

It’s a long term thing you see. When we first got together and moved in together, he wanted to do renovations on his flat but put it off and put it off… Meanwhile he refused to get furniture because it would be a pain to have furniture while the flat was being renovated and so we slept on an air mattress for 3 months, hung our clothes on this temporary, makeshift pole thing and everything else was kept in boxes. Does this sound familiar?

I got so shitty that I totally went off at him and told him that I was breaking up with him and leaving completely since it was evident that he was happy to just sleep on an air mattress on the most disgusting floor in the world, ever and that if he could live like this forever he would. I was completely convinced that he was never going to renovate and just liked saying he was going to do stuff but not actually do any of it.

He was living in limbo and seemed to enjoy it whereas after 3 months I was ready to kill myself. In the end, I searched for and set up interviews with contractors, we chose one and the process commenced. Sound familiar?

Fast forward 13 years later and we’re having the same conversation. Just because it’s a sofa bed doesn’t make it any better than an air mattress… not when you extend the time to 2 years. We both have backaches all the time. I didn’t say I would break up with him because we’re married now and I’m more serious about those vows but I voiced all my frustrations for sure.

I’ve pretty much looked for and set up all the contractors that have come sort out our flat this time around too. Yes Tones gets on board but that initial GSD (getting shit done) always comes from me. It takes my frustration, my impatience (2 years, can you blame me?) and “I’ve had enough of this shit” attitude that actually gets things moving. It seems when I am patient absolutely nothing moves and everyone around me just goes on holiday.

Here I was so excited about this machine that changes frequencies… WELL do you know what it does??? It clears out your shit… and when the shit is clearing out, it friggin’ hurts. It’s uncomfortable emotionally and physically. So this past month has been a month of hauling out the crap and a month of intense and excruciating physical pain in my back and shoulders which is also then why I went off and lost all patience I ever had about getting these renovations done.

I spent about 3-4 days per week every week in severe back and neck pain that referred pain into my head. I don’t take pain killers so I felt it all to its full effect. I’m still feeling pain this week but it’s lesser than all the weeks prior. And guess what? Since I went off at Tones the other day, he’s pulled his finger out of his ass and more has been done in the last week than in the last 4 weeks put together.

Our meditation area – that’s what we’re calling it even though I haven’t done a lick of meditation in that area since we moved in 2 years ago – is almost complete. It’s actually where we intend to do yoga, exercise and meditation and, where I want to set up and do my energy healing work from. Basically – the one room that holds all things for wellness and spiritual wellbeing. How interesting that it is the first spot we get sorted.

We now just need to measure up and order the mirrors, get some floor mats, a couple bolsters and meditation cushions, some plants maybe… OK… all the decoration stuff still needs to be done but that’s better than anywhere else where the switches still haven’t been done and so we need to keep the walls bare.

Tones and Joy – in terms of the 7 areas of life

Mental Health- Rating 8/10

I’m not feeling out of whack but this has gone down because I feel like I’ve lost my focus. Whatever I thought I should be doing doesn’t feel like what I should still be doing and so now I’m like… well, what am I supposed to be doing then?

With that lack of clarity, the mental health rating has gone down. I feel somehow that my focus needs to be on my physical well being.

Physical Health – Rating 7/10

I’m still on intermittent fasting however finding that by 8pm I still don’t feel like eating because I’ve had a big lunch. This isn’t the greatest because it means there are actually days where I only eat one meal OR, I’ll just eat later when I actually do feel hungry but then I’m eating after 10pm which defeats the whole purpose of the intermittent fasting. Having said that, most of the time I don’t eat until 2-3pm anyway. So 10pm-2pm not eating still kinda works I guess?

Eh, the yoga also hasn’t been on the charts. You’d think it’d be good for me to do it especially during times when I’ve had massive back, neck and shoulder pains but alas…. I have found the pain so unbearable there was just no way I was willing to do any exercise at all. I will attempt to get back on the yoga train this coming weekend.

With regards to weight, I haven’t gained or lost anything, just maintained weight. It’s good… this is the longest I’ve maintained the same weight in an extremely long time. I’ve been this weight for about 2 years. You know, I watched Lionel Ritchie Dancing on the Ceiling video clip the other week and was in awe at how skinny he looked. THEN I saw everyone else on the clip and thought OMG they’re ALL REALLY SKINNY. Which then made me realise that this level of skinny was NORMAL and average in the 80’s. It’s only been 40 years, our bodies wouldn’t have evolved to be so different, why is normal now so much bigger than normal in the 80’s? How did we as a society come to accept overweight as healthy? Watching the 80’s video clip made me feel like I had some weight to lose. How did we all become so OK with looking so bloated?

Sleep – with the pain in my body and also staying up to look after the bunnies during their GI stasis, sleep hasn’t been great at all. My clock is working on going to bed at 1am the earliest and waking up at 11am. I’m not coping very well.

Actually I woke up one day saying to Tones, I think the pain and complete exhaustion that I’ve been feeling isn’t mine. He basically looked at me like I was off with the fairies. I explained the following – the pain was too much, too extreme, so painful that I couldn’t understand how it could possibly be all mine, nor why I would be feeling it all right now considering I hadn’t done anything physical to induce it. Nor was I under any amount of stress enough to start creating tension headaches for myself.

The other thing is that I felt like I had enough and that I didn’t want it anymore, that I wanted to quit and just leave. When Tones heard this, he asked me what I was talking about and I said, “I felt like I just wanted to leave the planet. If this is the pain that everyone is feeling, I cannot bear it and I don’t want to be here anymore.” This of course upset him because it sounds like I want to off myself but he didn’t understand. Here I am talking about how much I love my life and want to be here and experience it in all its glory and at the same time feeling like I want to leave my body and this earthly plane just so that I don’t have to FEEL the pain of living here, in this body any more.

This is how I figured the pain wasn’t mine. How can someone who is genuinely happy be want to leave and give up on life? How can someone in so much physical, excruciating, torturous pain say they love their life? Anyway, I did some work, ancestral, past life stuff. I had to. Every night I was woken up at 3am in so much pain I couldn’t go back to sleep, I could barely move my neck or head and even had nights where I couldn’t move my arm. I went and did some Akashic record clearing. I felt like it was the only thing that was going to help and if I couldn’t sleep or do anything because it would wake up Tones, the least I could do was do some energetic healing on myself. After I did that for a few hours, the pain would ease and I’d be able to sleep again, by then it would be 6 or 7am and then I’d sleep until 10 or 11am. I was doing this for 3 days per week, for 3 weeks.

The clearing did clarify for me however that there was a lot there that wasn’t actually mine and much of it wasn’t even from this lifetime. The pain this week has reduced greatly. It went from a 20-200 out of 10… (on a scale of 1-10) and now is about a 5/10. I’m finally sleeping through the night but I’m still on weird hours and feeling exhausted. I wish I could go to pain free, happy and in flow and I wish it would be quick but I really suspect that this is all part of the process of healing.

Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. Today I went on a call specifically around this machine. It was a Q&A call and without me saying anything about what I’d been experiencing, the answer and message came through loud and clear. She actually said “sometimes the things you are processing aren’t actually yours” and that “sometimes balance looks like sleeping 14 hours a day one week and then only 3 hrs a day another”.

It seems that I have stumbled into and still finding my way around a new understanding of energy and one where we cannot apply our normal Newtonian ways of thinking. There is no fixed, there is no static way of being… there is only flow, constant shifting, constant flux and learning how to live in that way of being is very different.

We are dynamic, energetic frequency beings, changing all the time. Everything around us changes all the time too and so balance is about balancing the frequencies that exist through and around us that day… It’s about how we flow with ALL energy. She even said that balance could look like eating a tonne of heavy food one day and then juicing the next. It’s about tuning in and really being open to and listening and acting upon what is required in that moment.

How’s that for food for thought? And what is that going to look like on the physical plane? Only time and observation of this experience will tell. I’m off with the fairies folks and it looks like I’m going to have to start changing my scale that I’m using to measure how good I feel about the areas of my life. Perhaps it will no longer be about that but more about how well I think I’ve flowed with whatever presented itself in that area of life. I don’t know…

Vocational Health – 7/10

I told people I’d be doing a group healing. I still haven’t done it and I’m starting to beat myself up about that.

I have run out of clients in the sense that I’ve completed all the sessions with current clients, they’ve referred people but nobody they’ve referred has taken action to come forward and have a session with me. In a way I’m happy. After all, how would I cope with them when I’m constantly in physical pain and currently having to do so much work on myself?

On a positive note though I had someone come to me and tell me that after 3 sessions only, they went from having multiple anxiety attacks per week (sometimes multiple per day as they’re in a high pressure role) to none… NONE! Do you know how happy I am for this person? So pleased.

I do have several people on Sound Frequencies still, so it’s not like I don’t have any clients at all. One has reported feeling so much more confident. I’ve known this person for quite a long time and they’ve always been timid but after only 3 weeks on their frequencies, they found their voice firmer, more confident and their actions and interactions with people have been showing that they are standing their ground and firmly in what they believe. They stood up for themselves, set their boundaries and surprised themselves with how they’ve handled these situations. I’m so happy for them too.

With those testimonies you would think I’d score vocation higher however, I’ve scored it low because when I haven’t helped anyone new, I feel like I’m failing…

It’s time for me to trust that whoever is supposed to be working with me will and they will turn up all in perfect divine timing. Perhaps I still need to clear some more stuff in me so that I am able to help the next lot of people.

Familial Health – Rating 9/10

We had a fight, a big one and I was angry for at least a day and a half – it was the whole stuck in renovations mode. It’s sorted, things are moving.

Sound frequencies on ourselves have been an interesting journey and I have found that both of us are making major energetic shifts in ourselves. I will say that. I love that Tones and I travel on these journeys together so that we grow together. I love that I have his support and he has mine… even during times where we won’t agree and even if we’re angry at each other…. we will still do things to help each other grow and become better. I am 100% thankful for having him in my life.

Spiritual Health – Rating 9.5/10

I feel connected in that I can access the answers just by asking the divine. Whether that be divine beings, guides, higher aspects, ancestors or, just being quiet and listening, the answers have come, loud and clear.

I mean, I’ve even asked questions and then clicked on an email or gone on social media and no kidding you, the very first post I see will have answered my question. Or I ask questions, watch a movie and a line in the movie, the lesson/moral of the story or just the general theme answers my question.

To me, this is being truly connected and in communication with the universe. So many of us ask the question and then put down the receiver so we don’t hear the answer…

I can’t say I am 100% present or listening… but I know I’m getting the answers more frequently and easily than ever before.

Financial Health – Rating 8/10

I permanently deleted all my files from my computer accidentally. I attempted to recover those files only to find those that were recovered weren’t actually the useful files.

The last backup was over a year ago. Therefore all my financial details that I’d been recording each month, all my client notes, all my ideas, thoughts, half written books, pictures and videos of my ideal house, research I’d done on decorations, furniture etc etc were all gone.

I coped very well. I had a mini feeling of anxiety at the thought that I’d lost my client’s notes and then I laughed at myself. I was actually laughing at the stupidity and ridiculousness of my situation considering I’d spent so much time “clearing” and “letting go of shit” energetically and then without realising it until it was already done, I physically did it to my files.

I mention this event here because well, I now have to recreate/redo a lot of the tracking spreadsheets I had done to work out how we’re doing financially. I hated this.. this is the area of life I’m worst at. It takes me so much effort and energy just to do something in this arena. I can definitely say that when none of the finance files were recovered I did want to cry and then I laughed….

Score hasn’t changed. Whether or not I have spreadsheets doesn’t change our financial status. I believe we’re ok. We just had to pay back a huge loan so that was a giant chunk out of our bank account. It does hurt a lot, looking at it but guess what? We had the money to pay it. So that’s pretty friggin’ awesome money management if you ask me.

Social Health – Rating 8/10